God is Bigger Than Even This

Today during worship a song was sung that really moved me. It was a simple song that has been around a long time but it doesn’t take away from the power of the words. I have to confess that I have struggled with some things in the past year. It started with the doctor telling me that Tom had cancer -Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma to be exact. He proceeded to tell us that it was Stage 1 and slow growing. Now you would think that was good news right? I mean it's not growing quickly and now a days there are operations and other treatments that can take of things like this. But the flip side to that was there was no cure (medical cure that is). My world stopped that day. I was plagued for months with desperate cries to God for mercy and healing. Our people rallied around us and I don’t think we could have gone through the months of chemo therapy if it were not for their love, prayers and practical ways they helped us (from bringing us meals, Mike who took Tom to his chemo treatments and sat with him so he wouldn't be alone and those who came to visit Tom during his treatments).

So for the past year things like this tend to die down. Good reports of remission come about and people start to forget, but they know in the back of their minds that it’s there. They are there for you and ask how things are going and I know they continue to pray because the prayers are felt. Our friends are truly special.

So why this recap of the past year? It dawned on me that I have put up a wall between me and God. It’s a wall I continually try to push down, but it’s there. I realize it when fear starts to creep into my mind and takes over my emotions. The fear that this man that I loved for over 28 years and will be married to for 25 next week might be taken from me before we get a chance to grow old together. Truly this thought doesn’t occupy my thoughts daily but when it comes in, the wall goes up.

The day before, my daughter, Lisa, Tom and I were watching television. “Father of the Bride” was on. It’s a special movie to Lisa and Tom because Lisa gave Tom the movie as gift telling him it reminded her of him. It was the end of the movie when the daughter gets married and Tom gets all choked up each time he sees it. It’s really endearing but at that moment the horror of “what if” flooded me. What if he’s not around for that special day? The grief of it almost took me out. But I stuffed it down deep and put it away as I have many times before.

Brings me back to this morning and worship and a simple song that ministered to me. So here are the words:

I have made You too small in my eyes.
Oh Lord forgive me.
And I have believed in a lie that You were unable to help me.
But now Oh Lord I see my wrong.
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong.
And in my eyes and with my song.
Oh Lord be magnified.
Oh Lord be magnified.
Be magnified Oh Lord.
You are highly exalted.
And there is nothing You can’t do,
Oh Lord my eyes are on You.
Be magnified.
Oh Lord be magnified.

God is good and I know that he loves me. These are truths I know in my heart about the Father. I also know that cancer is an injustice in our lives that God will heal Tom of. I sometimes need to be reminded that God is bigger than my mind and my fears, don’t you?

Copyright © Nadine Z. 2006

Superpowers

Tonight Tom and I had dinner with Tyler and Jen. They are the cutest newlyweds ever. They invited us over for some home-made pizzas (yum, yum) and then we went to see the X-Men movie. I have to say it was a great way to kick off a three day week-end. I had lots of fun. I love those guys.

The movie was pretty good and quite enjoyable. I guess I wasn’t expecting much since it was the third installment, but it had some cool moments. I liked Angel who could fly and had these really cool wings.

The movie got me thinking. There’s this sizable group of people that were different because they had unusual gifts. They were called “mutants.” The non-mutants thought something was wrong with them and they needed to be “cured.” Imagine that being so different that the “norm” of society wants to cure you because they think something is wrong with you. Let’s take real life for a moment shall we?

Is society threatened by us because of our supernatural abilities we operate in? Do we go around displaying the gifts and talents that God has given us to the fullest extent? Imagine if we walked around being able to hear people thoughts because God revealed it to us, or touch someone and they were miraculously healed. Maybe we walk around funeral homes and empty them out by raising people from the dead. These are things we could do because Jesus told us in John 14:12 – I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

After the movie, I posed the question if you could have superpowers which one would you have? Well if you know Tyler and Jen, you’ll have to ask them the next time you see them. As for me I thought I would love to throw fire, walk through walls or maybe fly. But in reality, the only superpowers I really want would be whatever God would give me – heal the sick, cast out demons, raise people from the dead, etc. You get the idea.

So I ask you what superpowers would you want to have?

Copyright © Nadine Z. 2006

Is God Traditional?

Taking a look at what a traditional church in America is today you might find, that the pastor is well dressed (most times in a suit or nice pants or robes as in Catholic churches), well spoken and smiles often. His duties vary from visiting the sick, baptisms, weddings, meeting with people, etc. He respects the traditional observances of church life – Easter, Christmas and Palm Sunday. Most pastors keep doctors hours (he’s always on call). These things are not bad or evil, it just the state of most churches.

So it leads me to wonder, if Jesus is the example of a Good Shepherd, then how did He take care of His sheep? When His good friend was sick He didn’t make a house call to pray for him. He stayed away and when he died, Jesus wept. He did raise him from the dead and that was the big picture, but still not very traditional.

He went into the temple area and over turned the money changers tables. He healed on the Sabbath. He ate with tax collectors and hung out with prostitutes. Now that would go over big today . . . wouldn’t it?

He feed thousands with a few loaves and fishes. He changed water into very fine wine (not grape juice, but the good stuff). None of the things Jesus did was traditional in his day. For all of the praises he received, Jesus received much criticism from the leaders of his day. If you’re following His heart . . . who’s criticizing you?

If we truly following His example, then during our church services we would see healings, cast out demons, and raise people from the dead instead of worrying about sermons, Sunday school and taking up a collection. Those things are great, don’t get me wrong and it has a purpose and a place.

Do we serve man’s traditions or God’s? Jesus only tradition is that He loved the Father and us. He loved us so much that He laid down His life for us while we were yet sinners. He did nothing except what He saw the Father doing.

So is God traditional? Not in the sense that we think. I want to continue to explore God’s traditions rather than my own. I love my church the way that it is. We have a great service on Sundays, great worship, great people, and my husband delivers great sermons. We even serve lattes and donuts . . . um. But all that has its own traditions – my traditions. I know that it’s my husband’s and mine desire to seek out God’s traditions and leave room on Sundays for him to change things even if it stretches not only our people but us as well. Believe me I’ve been stretch, but have I been stretched enough? I want to continue to grow and seek Him and not be satisfied until the day I meet Him face to face.

So Lord help me not to hold on so tightly to my traditions that I would miss the new things You want to do in our mist. Help me not to get offended when You mess with me and my tiny view of who You are. Help me to seek You wholeheartedly and let me not be satisfied with the status quo.

Copyright © Nadine Z. 2006

Friends

I just want to take this time to write about friends. I’ve been blessed from the time I was seven with good friends. No matter where God moved me, good friends were found. It’s amazing how a kind or encouraging word (or comment on someone’s new blog post), a phone call or well placed prayer makes a difference in someone’s life. It’s the little things we take for granted that mean so much to someone else. When was the last time you were prompted to call a friend and later in the conversation learned they were having a bad day.

Today I was blessed by a good friend who wanted me to know that I mattered and was appreciated. She came by my job and bought me flowers and gave me an encouraging card. Why would she do this? Because she’s my friend and I was upset about something the other day and it was her way of showing me she cared. Thanks, Dawn.

Friends are important to everyone. I hope that I’m as good of friend to others the way Dawn was to me today. So here’s to all those friends out that make our lives very special. Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Copyright © Nadine Z. 2006

Don’t Drink and Drive

How often has this slogan been used? Many, many times because it makes sense and the results are often tragic when someone ignores it. Tragedy usually happens to the innocent bystander and not the drunk driver. Driving a car drunk is bad decision which can cause so much damage. Have you seen some of those videos they show during Driver’s Ed class to scare teenagers from doing this? How much more damage can be had if the drunkard is a train conductor, an airline pilot or maybe a cruise ship captain? Um . . . cruise ship captain now that’s one I’m interested in.

The captain of a cruise ship was arrested in Seattle, WA this past Friday for having a blood alcohol level that was more than twice the federal maritime limit, according to the U.S. Coast Guard. Apparently the Coast Guard conducts routine inspections and it was during one of these inspections that alcohol was smelled on the captain’s breath. The ship was held at port and departure delayed for over an hour while the captain was taken off the ship. Now just guess which ship this was. Go ahead guess. Give up? Alright it was the very ship that 2 weeks from now my wonderful husband and I will be on – Celebrity’s Mercury.

This situation is sad and tragic yes, but it could have happened 2 ½ weeks from now when Tom and I were on the boat heading for the Hubbard Glacier, none the wiser that the boat captain had no intention of stopping because he was severely impaired in his judgment. The tragedy would have been greater if innocent people got hurt because he crashed the ship.

So let’s give God a big hand for exposing this before any innocent people got hurt. Can I get an AMEN!!!

Copyright © Nadine Z. 2006

Dry Cleaning

In two weeks I’m leaving for an Alaskan cruise (something you already know if you read my husband’s blog) in celebration of our 25th anniversary. There are many things to get ready before going on a vacation as you all may know.

I just want to interject a side note at this point. I have terrific kids. My son and daughter bought us a digital camera for our 25th anniversary so that we would be able to take pictures on our trip. They gave it to us early in order to practice using it. It’s so easy to use and fits in my pocket which makes it convenient. I can’t wait to use it on our trip.

Now back to the story after that small commercial break.

Even though we are going in June, when you cruise the Hubbard Glacier it’s pretty cold on the deck of the ship and a coat is highly recommended. My wonderful husband got me a beautiful suede coat last year that’s extremely warm and comfortable. So I needed to get it cleaned since it’s tan and got dirty easily. I took it to the local dry cleaners. At first the dry cleaning lady noticed a pen mark. She said to me, “Pen marks don’t come out and you coat is very dirty.” Now I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I started to think this situation wasn't looking good. I tried not to be cynical, but it's gets harder as this drama unfolds. She started to inform me it will take 4 weeks for the coat to be cleaned and returned because they can’t clean it on site. I began to explain how that won’t do, because I’m going on a special trip in 2 weeks and I would need the coat by then.

The situation changed now because she might lose a sale so she told me that she would check with her husband. He said no problem that 2 weeks is plenty of time. So now I’m a bit leery because what if I don’t get it back in 2 weeks. Before I can raise that question, she gave me a waiver to sign because since they are not cleaning it on site they can’t guarantee the condition or safety of the coat. Do see where this is going? I asked how much is it going to cost to have it cleaned? And the winner is . . . $45 because the coat is very dirty she repeated. Trying to be nice I politely said, “Maybe I’ll wait until I come back just in case I don’t get it back in time, but thank you.”

In my head this is what’s going on: FORTY FIVE DOLLARS!!! Are you crazy?! Do I look like I just fell off the truck? I paid only $80 for the coat! I’ll wait until it becomes so filthy then buy a new one before spending $45 to clean it. It would be cheaper to dye it black then it would all blend in together. Now is it me or isn’t that an outrageous price for dry cleaning a coat?

With age I’ve become a calmer, gentler, Nadine and so these things just play out in my head and I simply walk away, smiling and saying no thank you. Anyway, maybe one day God will transform so much that those little scenes don’t even play in my head anymore.

Copyright © Nadine Z. 2006

The Rest of It

One Saturday morning when I woke up. I thought it was like any other Saturday, except little did I know my life was about to change forever. My girlfriend, Julie and I decided to go to the store like we often did on a Saturday. We stopped by the pizzeria (where there’s a guy who had a crush on Julie worked and he often gave us a free slice or a free drink to impress her). This pizzeria was across the street from where Tom’s fruit and vegetable store was. His store was located on one corner of a major intersection. We then went into the pharmacy and crossed that street and went into another store. You see I was trying to avoid Tom.

Let me set up for you what happened as we walked from store to store. Julie kept nagging me about when was I going to ask him to the prom. At each stop it was the only conversation she seemed to want to have and I on the other hand kept changing the subject to no avail. So we are now at the stop light that was directly in front of the store where Tom worked (which by the way was called Good Pickings which in itself was kind of funny because for me the pickings were good) and to just shut her up I agreed to ask Tom to the prom if I saw him. Now in my mind I figured since I haven’t seen him to this point there was a good chance he's not working so what do I have to lose? Was she satisfied with my answer no, because she asked me, “Do you swear?” Which in Brooklyn if you swear to something to your girlfriend and don’t hold up your end, you might as well move to another neighborhood. Your word was as good as any legal document. “Yeah, I swear.” Those words no sooner came out of my mouth when who do you think came out of the store and stood outside, looking directly at me, waiting for me to cross the street . . . that’s right Blondie. What I said next is not printable because it was before I was a Christian.

Little did I know that the night before Tom (who had been a Christian for only two years) spent some time in the basement of that very store asking God for just one girlfriend because it seemed it was getting too expensive for him to keep taking out different girls. Two things come to mind now – 1. he just wanted a cheap date and 2. as the years go on the number of girls get larger. So being a young Christian (I must say at this point do not try this at home) he decided that since the apostles cast lots to pick a new apostle, he would do the same to pick his next girlfriend. So he took off his Budweiser hat and wrote the names of the girls he was dating and the ones he wanted to date and placed them into the hat. Just for good measure he added a blank piece of paper incase none of these girls would be the one God had for him. So unbeknownst to me my name found its way into the hat. So after praying he pulled out a name and it said – Nadine. Now if this was where the story ended it would be an endearing piece of history. Instead the man I would spend the rest of my life with decided that I lived in a bad neighborhood and he really didn’t know me that well and he would pick again. PICK AGAIN! Now if that’s not the most insulting thing I ever heard of. First my name finds itself in a Budweiser hat with countless other girls just to be tossed aside. Why was I in there in the first place? It was God I tell you because of what happened next. Tom picked again and this time . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . .. he pulled out the blank piece of paper. Thank you Lord for justice. God was telling him it was Nadine or nothing. So now he needed an opportunity to ask me out. He found his opportunity the very next day.

When the light changed to green panic and sweat and coolness went out the window as I realized I had to ask him out. We crossed the street and Julie keep reminding me of my promise. I approach him and the conversation went something like this:

“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Well, you see . . . um . . . my school . . . um. Okay my school . . . um is having a prom and um. . . (at which point Julie hits me on my back and said, "Spit it out!") My school is having a junior prom do you want to go with me?”
“Yes.”
“Okay don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.”
A curious look came across Toms face as he said, “I said yes.”
“Oh, cool.”

It’s always a shame when coolness goes out the window like that, but how cool was God to use this opportunity to bring us together. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m truly blessed to be his wife. The rest as they say is history.

© Nadine Z. 2006

How It All Got Started

Over 29 years ago I met the young man who would one day be my husband. I didn’t realize it at the time because I was only fifteen years old. I met Tom or should I say “Blondie” as I affectionately called him before knowing his name, when he started working at a fruit and vegetable store in my neighborhood. For about a year he would stare at me, flirt with me shamelessly and all along I pretended I didn’t notice him. Now I would imagine we would have gone on like that forever if it weren’t for one thing – God. God wanted us together. Of course I didn’t know it at the time but looking back it was obvious that God hand picked this man for me.

I went to an all girl Catholic High School because basically my father didn’t want me to ever meet boys. Unfortunately for him he couldn’t control who worked in the neighborhood. I liked High School even though it was lacking 50% of the population. I found myself in my junior year, sixteen years old and my school was going to close it doors because of lack of funds.

I don’t know about your school but my school had little groups or "clicks" - the jocks (the ones who were on every sport team our school had), the princess’ (back in the 70’s it was big high, too much make-up and uniform skirts worn high above the knees), the rockers (they wore heavy metal band t-shirts underneath their uniforms and looked stoned most of the time) and last but not least the brains (the ones who took school seriously and actually cared about grades). And yes this was the group I seemed to have fallen into and not because I was so smart but my friends were all very smart. I did get my share of good grades but my friends were in the top ten of the class. Now people didn’t expect much from "the brains" because all anyone thought we did was study, study, study. Well that may be true to a point. This afforded us the opportunity to break out of our boxes and blow people’s minds. I wanted to go to my junior prom and walk in with a really good looking guy by my side and turn heads. Ah, sweet. So my girlfriend, Julie and I put our heads to together and tried to figure out who that we knew would be presentable enough and pass the “daddy test.” Before I could actually go to the prom this was a very important step. Julie came up with Blondie. I on the other thought that was nuts because even though we flirted a bit I thought he had a girlfriend or he would have asked me out by now. But she was very insistent, I caved and agreed to ask him.

Growing up in Brooklyn it was important that at all times you looked cool. In order to help me do this I decided I would practice in front of the mirror. I also needed to practice a cool response in case he turned me down or said maybe. My response would be – “Don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal. See you around.” I did this for a couple of weeks and avoided the subject when I would see him until . . .

To be continued tomorrow . . .

© Nadine Z. 2006

Sleepless in Pasco

Last night a wonderful experience that we all look forward to at the end of long, hard day eluded me – sleep. Yes, sleep that thing we do during the evening in order for our bodies to rest and ready itself for the next day. Three and half hours of sleep is not enough my friends. Maybe in my youth I could have stayed up all night and gone to school the next (something I did often during mid-terms and final exams) ready to face the day. Today I had help from one of my trusty little friends . . . coffee. Um . . . coffee never tastes better than when you have a few hours of sleep and you need that little extra pick me up to get the engines running.

So what caused me to be sleepless in Pasco? It’s that old enemy called the mind. Do you find that when your mind refuses to shut itself off the rest of your body follows suit even if it screams to be shut down for the required eight hours. Why do our minds try so hard to figure out things we can’t change? Why do our minds obsess over situations in our lives at 3:00 a.m.?

It doesn’t quite seem fair. I’m the type of person who’s most comfortable living in the moment. I don’t like obsessing over tomorrow, it hurts. It hurts my mind and when my mind hurts, I don’t sleep. It’s a vicious cycle. So what’s the answer? I really don't know. I did get up and pray and that seemed to help. I’m reading a great book by one of my favorite authors, Ted Dekker, When Heaven Weeps and read until my mind was forced to shut itself off and travel into dreamland. Just a side note – if you haven’t read any of his books do yourself a favor and run don’t walk to your nearest library and check out one of his many books.

So I leave you with this when faced with a sleepless night, get up, pray, read and get that coffee ready the next morning to jump start your day. I know that’s not really profound. If you want profound you should be reading a different blog.

© Nadine Z. 2006

First Entry

I’ve never written a blog before and I was encouraged to do so by my husband. He’s a big, big blogger. I wanted to explore how I see life. You may not agree with everything you read here, but understand that it’s just one woman’s humble opinion and not to be taken seriously . . . unless of course I’m being serious.

I find that life is funny at times and God has a sense of humor. Why do I say this? Many reasons - one being He created us didn’t He? Now I don’t have any biblical basis for my theory, it’s just my theory. It’s quite simple, when we make that decision to follow Christ, He accepts us just as we are. He died for us while we were yet sinners, isn’t that what the good book states. What I think happened next was - God changed our hearts . . . not our personalities. Some who know me find this a bit scary (because they try to imagine me without Christ . . . a little fear never hurt anyone I say, always keep them wondering).

One of the things I try to do is find the humor in situations. I love to tell a story and yes, I know that I sometimes take liberties in the delivery of the story, but that’s the fun of it. Why tell a story in an ordinary, unimaginative way (just the facts I mean), when you can add a few colorful comments and expressions to make the listener hang on your every word. My husband is just-the-facts-type of guy and I’m not. Telling a story together is very interesting; he wants to tell the facts and I want to expand on it to make it more interesting. It’s okay though because we’ve come to an unspoken agreement – when I’m on a roll, he let’s me roll. That’s why we’re happily married for almost 25 years.

So, I’ll try to examine life as I see it . . . mostly with humor but there are times when life takes a serious turn and I may throw a curve ball. So come with me on this journey and see where it takes us.

© Nadine Z. 2006