The very next day I found out that she ended her life. She didn’t leave a note and I was lost as to why this happened. I beat myself up because I didn’t see it coming. This was five years ago and at the time I wasn’t very prophetic. I’ve learned more about the prophetic since then, but would I be able recognize the signs now? There weren’t any obvious signs because she was functionally depressed. I don’t know that I would be so in tuned to people around me to see the type of pain they chose to hide regardless of my growth in the prophetic. Lord, let this be an area of growth in me. Give me eyes to see.
It was during the conference she was excited about that I was given a word that encouraged me. It gave me relief from the agony I was going through replaying the day before over and over in my mind. The person, who gave me the word, had no idea what my situation was. A well placed word goes a long way.
The following poem came to me as I reflected today on Karen. I don’t know what she went through that would cause her to give up on life, but my prayer is that the Lord would help me to see if there are other people like Karen in my life now.
Where do I go?
Who do I run to?
When the pain in my heart runs too deep,
I just don't dare take a peek.
Who can hear the cry of my heart?
Who can heal the emptiness inside?
When the loneliness over takes me and
My hope starts to run out of time.
So Lord are you there?
Can You hear my desperation?
Not only can I heal you
I died so I can free you
Come to Me and take comfort,
For I will not disappoint you
© Nadine Z. 2006
Artwork by Jen Buse