Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Bourne Ultimatum

Before I start I just want to say don’t worry about any spoilers because I’m not going there. Tom and I went with some friends to see the third Bourne movie. It was very good. It was filled with lots of things blowing up, fights and car chases. There were a couple of cool one liners that you would expect from this movie franchise. Jason Bourne from the first movie on knew he was more than just an assassin. When he looked at himself he wasn’t comfortable with the skin he was in. He began his search to find out who he was and how he became the man he saw in the mirror.

When I was a little girl, I was confused about who I was. I kept searching to find the skin that suited me. I was many things to many people. I found that I didn’t like being picked on so I became a bully and picked on others. I found that I liked to play sports so I became a tomboy. I lacked confidence so I pretended I was very sure of myself. I found that I enjoyed playing with dolls and dancing ballet so I became very girlie. I was conflicted because I thought I had to be one way or another. I didn’t understand that I could be me and enjoy many things that don’t necessarily relate to each other. What others thought I should be or even my own thoughts were unrealistic. I found that expectation was my enemy. I didn’t know who I was but what I saw I didn’t like. I wasn’t the nicest person around unless you were my friend. If you weren’t then I apologize publicly to you now for the nasty things I said and did. I yearned to find out the answer to the same question Bourne asked, “Who am I?”

I didn’t get my answer until I met someone very special. He loved me just as I was. He didn’t ask me to change just to accept Him and I did. When I gave my life to Jesus, my life changed for the better. I started to discover who I was. I realized that God changed my heart but not my personality. My true personality was so different than what I pretended it to be. I wanted to be this tough girl from Brooklyn that no one messed with. Instead I was someone who found herself caring for people. One of the best things God did for me was Tom, a man who loves God, me and our children with his whole heart. He is one of the kindest men I know and has taught me so much by showing me what God see in me.

At 45 I’m finally starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve discovered that looking through God’s eyes at a person is the only way to look at them. Because of Him I’m free to just be me.

This leads me to this next item. Karolee from My Montana Moments gave me the Nice Matters Award. Here is what she had to say.

Nadine has been reading and commenting on my blog since last March. I think it's nice that she keeps coming back. She is also SO nice that I know she won't pass this award out to anyone else because she knows too many bloggers and doesn't want to leave any of them out. Nadine, you have my permission to give this award out to ALL of them. :)

So thank you Karolee for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. So I take her up on the offer and award this Nice Matters Award to EVERYONE who has ever commented on my blog and left a nice comment (which includes everyone because no one has left a bad one). Give yourself a hand and this award. Your comments have been encouraging and uplifting.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

© Nadine Z. 2007


Dedee said...

It's interesting to me to find out just how much I let my version of myself depend on other people. I used to think I was pretty independent. Not so.

I enjoyed reading this Nadine. I like the way you made me think about who I am and who God wants me to be. I like the idea that we can have conflicting interests. I can enjoy football and basketball with my dh, and it's ok.

Way to go!. . .Again!

Keshi said...

I believe that God wants me to hv the life Im living for a reaosn that only He knows...even tho my life cud be full of sorrow...

Love this post Nadine!

Karolee said...

I think 40 must be the magic number when we decide to quit trying to impress others and just be ourselves. I felt such freedom turning 40.

I haven't seen any of these movies - might have to go out and rent one.

Joy said...

Woo-hoo my first award! Thanks :) great post Nadine.

Damselfly said...

Aw -- what a touching post.

I can relate to feeling that people expect you to be one way or the other. Have you seen my blog? I love the outdoors, but I love style/fashion too. Most people just don't get that about me....

I don't believe for a minute you are 45! ;)

Art said...

That is so nice Nadine! Thank you!

Have a nice weekend yourself.

Jen(n) said...

thanks for just being you! enjoy your weekend.

The Creative Nut : ) said...

I so relate to this post, you're great Nadine! Thank you for just being you!

Mrs.Martin said...

Nadine, that is a great post and I really could relate to it. You are so encouraging Nadine and it is great to know you are to others too. This world needs a little encouragment.

Shionge said... are so sweet that's why it has a positive effect on me so I'm so sweet too kekekek....

Celestine said...

your church sounds interesting. im nt sure how to categorise it but mayb i shouldn anyway :)

how long hv u been in this parish?

Pinks & Blues Girls said...

Wow Nadine... I can't imagine you picking on anyone, even as a child! :)
You have me thinking now... each year on my birthday I journal about the year and what happened and everything. I feel each year I grow emotionally so much... it's such a great thing to ask yourself. "Who am I?" I know I'm a Mom... sister... daughter... friend... but beyond that, who am I? Thanks for this post!
I have to see that movie! Besides the fact that I love Matt Damon, I have seen the other 2!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls

EM said...

I see a woman with an amazing ability to make me think about the power of being the person I was created to be with out limitations. So, Nadine thank you for your thoughts and insights you truly are a gift to so many of us. God is so faithful and He is awesome for letting you be a gift and an inspiration to me.

Ann(ie) said...

You are very deserving of this award, sugar. You have a kind heart through and through and I'm pleased to have met you through the blogosphere. I'm still struggling to feel comfortable in my own skin, but I'm getting there. I'm only 35. I've heard 40 is the magic number, too!

xo and happy weekend!!

Mary@notbefore7 said...

That was a great story about how God has changed your life. it was encouraging to read.

Erin said...

Well the Nadine I think of when I read your posts and comments is a wonderful person! You have such a lovely soul : ) Congratulations on the award, you totally deserve it. Have a happy weekend.

pinks & blues girls said...

Well, Karolee definitely hit the nail on the head with that description of you, Nadine!

Glad you liked the newest Bourne movie... hubby and I want to see it soon!

Jane, P&B Girls

Rosemarie said...

When we come to God with ourselves undone, He is able to produce in us the authentic self who He adores. So glad you could see that reflection!

Nice does matter and I'm so glad you've been nice to me! :) Thanks for the award because I'll be passing it on.

Growing with Julia

PromiseKeepersDaughter said...

Ahhh! You provoked my thoughts again! I love it. I remember thinking when I was a kid that I must be the only one who truely doesn't know who I am. I only had one parent and I moved to 12 schools in 13 years....made it easy to change my identity each move if I was unhappy with myselk. But what a transformation for me when God pulled me into the private room of my mind where my true idenity was hidden, and started to undress me.......layer by layer......but with every garment he helped me remove I felt lighter and more free to expose my true flesh.......which I thought no one would like.
So my lifes mission statment is "Being authentic" for Jesus' sake. To him be the glory.
Thanks Nadine you are a true jem.
Hugz Debz

KAYLEE said...

hey nadine......still in the hospital and will be for another 4 or 5 days but wanted to let you knoe that the surgery went fine and am recovering.

KarenW said...

Great post! I love applying movies to real life. I haven't seen this one yet. I'll probably wait until it comes out on DVD.

John 8:36
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Sandy said...

Hi Nadine! The movie looks great (my son saw it), and I liked this post. Forty does seem to be a significant number (and you and I are the same age!).
Haven't heard about the "nice" award yet :)

Demara said...

There you go again...impressing me and others!

Love you,
(even though we've never met in person ha *wink*)

palmtreefanatic said...

Thanks Nadine!
You So deserve this award as you are like the sweetest EVER! It is amazing how we get older and wiser in so many things including the way we think!
Be Blessed Nadine!

Lala's world said...

wow excellently written as usual!

I am fine thanks for asking! just been busy and preoccupied lately so I haven't been in blogland for a long time. Thanks for thinking of me!