I love the snow. I like how everything looks clean covered up in it. What I don’t like is driving in it. Over fifteen years ago Tom, the kids and I were in a bad car accident. We were driving home from West Virginia on a fact finding mission. Tom was traveling about thirty five miles an hour when suddenly our car drove over black ice and skid off the road, hit a ditch and flew twenty five feet in the air before landing on the side of the mountain. The car was totaled. Our daughter hurt her arm, but was for the most part okay. Tom had a nasty black and blue across his chest from the seatbelt, which was much better than the alternative. I hurt my back badly. It took months for me to recover. I was grateful that our family was okay.
My physical body wasn’t the only thing affected by this crash. My mind and emotions were affected. I hated to drive in the snow when it first happened. I froze and every ounce of my being was caught up in fear that the same thing would happen again. As time went on my fear and my concerns decreased. Today, I’m not a big fan of driving in the snow, but I have. When it snows the memory comes back. I’m not gripped by it as I once was, but it’s still there. Tom will often go out of his way and drive me to work when it snows. I protest and tell him I’ll be okay, but he does it anyway. Why? Because he loves me and he knows it eases my mind. Deep down inside I’m grateful. I’ve often felt silly when I get there and realize the roads were not as bad as first anticipated, but he never makes me feel silly. He doesn’t make me feel less than. He drives me because he loves me and wants me to feel safe. He says it gives us more time together. He’s very sweet.
God loves me even more than that. He doesn’t want the past to affect my present or my future. He wants me to move on from any pain or hurt. Each snow fall is different. The conditions of the road and hopefully I’m different. I’ve heard it said what you focus on becomes your reality. I don’t want my reality to be fear of driving. I don’t want my reality to be fear, period. Some might argue if God loved me it would never snow again. That’s silly isn’t it? I think He loves me enough to let me have opportunities to know that I’m healed and this situation doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. Am I there yet? In this situation, no or else Tom wouldn’t have to drive me at times. Life is a process. I know fifteen years is a long time, but I guess I’m a slow learner. I’m almost there. I’m glad God doesn’t keep account of time, but lets the process take as long as it needs.
© Nadine Z. 2008