Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Snow

I love the snow. I like how everything looks clean covered up in it. What I don’t like is driving in it. Over fifteen years ago Tom, the kids and I were in a bad car accident. We were driving home from West Virginia on a fact finding mission. Tom was traveling about thirty five miles an hour when suddenly our car drove over black ice and skid off the road, hit a ditch and flew twenty five feet in the air before landing on the side of the mountain. The car was totaled. Our daughter hurt her arm, but was for the most part okay. Tom had a nasty black and blue across his chest from the seatbelt, which was much better than the alternative. I hurt my back badly. It took months for me to recover. I was grateful that our family was okay.

My physical body wasn’t the only thing affected by this crash. My mind and emotions were affected. I hated to drive in the snow when it first happened. I froze and every ounce of my being was caught up in fear that the same thing would happen again. As time went on my fear and my concerns decreased. Today, I’m not a big fan of driving in the snow, but I have. When it snows the memory comes back. I’m not gripped by it as I once was, but it’s still there. Tom will often go out of his way and drive me to work when it snows. I protest and tell him I’ll be okay, but he does it anyway. Why? Because he loves me and he knows it eases my mind. Deep down inside I’m grateful. I’ve often felt silly when I get there and realize the roads were not as bad as first anticipated, but he never makes me feel silly. He doesn’t make me feel less than. He drives me because he loves me and wants me to feel safe. He says it gives us more time together. He’s very sweet.

God loves me even more than that. He doesn’t want the past to affect my present or my future. He wants me to move on from any pain or hurt. Each snow fall is different. The conditions of the road and hopefully I’m different. I’ve heard it said what you focus on becomes your reality. I don’t want my reality to be fear of driving. I don’t want my reality to be fear, period. Some might argue if God loved me it would never snow again. That’s silly isn’t it? I think He loves me enough to let me have opportunities to know that I’m healed and this situation doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. Am I there yet? In this situation, no or else Tom wouldn’t have to drive me at times. Life is a process. I know fifteen years is a long time, but I guess I’m a slow learner. I’m almost there. I’m glad God doesn’t keep account of time, but lets the process take as long as it needs.

© Nadine Z. 2008

23 comments:

Penless Thoughts said...

Fear is the absence of faith and unfortunately we ALL suffer from it from time to time in different areas!!
Susan

Jen(n) said...

Thanks for sharing!

Dedee said...

I am grateful that our God is a patient God. Otherwise, I'd be toast. (And I'm avoiding a store trip I really need to make because of the 5-6 inches of snow that dumped here. Not that I have your good reasons, I'm just wimpy.)

Tammy said...

Nadine, this post really touched me...I have tears.
I love how your husband tenderly shows Christ-like love in the way he protects your emotions...and how God loves us all even more.
Thank you so much for sharing this!

Tom Zawacki said...

Are you kidding, I got the best part of the deal. I got to see your pretty face wrapped up in your cute hat & scarf and then you came home and snuggled with me all night. Small investment - BIG payout!

Z

chelle said...

awww how sweet Tom takes such good care of you. Not allowing the past to affect your present and future is a tough one. I remember talking to my favourite priest about longing that my Dad was more present for me growing up and in that moment. The priest looked at me puzzled and said "your Father is always with you, right here in your heart, God is your father the one that never leaves, never fails and always loves" It gave me such peace.

Art said...

I love the way snow looks but I don't like driving in it or slopping around in it after it starts to melt.

Kate said...

Ohh, that's not a happy memory, but you're right, the Lord allows you to take all the time in the world to recoup...He's the most patient of all parents.

I don't like to drive in the snow when other cars are present...but when there are no cars around I like take my car and plow through all the snow piles and spin around in it...I think it's the hidden wild parts of me wanting to escape...or a sickness. lol

I think your snow day rides are awesome! You two are just the cutest!

A Woman Who is: said...

You are a blessed woman to have such a sweet husband!

Dawn said...

My SIL was in a terrible accident as a teen - it took her years and years to be able to drive without fear. I can only imagine!

palmtreefanatic said...

Very Well put Nadine! I think you are extremely blessed to have such a wonderful loving giving caring man!
I too am afraid of ice and will avoid driving on it as much as possible but theres times we do have no choice!
You sure have a gift for writing!

eph2810 said...

You are right, He gives us the time and strength to heal - no matter the circumstances. I don't like to drive - even without snow, but I get in the car and don't focus on my fear of driving, but praying...helps me a lot to get to where I need to go.
Thank you for sharing and I am glad that you all made it out of the car alive.
Blessings on your day.

Cheri said...

I had an accident almost 11 years ago that involved a transport truck. It took years for me to not be griped with fear when I was driving beside a transport on the highway. It's still slightly there, but has decreased over the years.

Damselfly said...

Heh, I guess I'm a slow learner too. I hope God is patient with me.

My parents always said the same thing, that they didn't like to drive in the snow or on the ice. We moved to a warm place before I learned how to drive, though, so I never had to drive in it.

Scarlet said...

This can apply to so much more than snow, and I know you know that. Thanks for helping me see an old situation in a new light.

Dawn said...

I put up another picture that I forgot, if you have a chance to come back over.

Keshi said...

Fear does alot of damage to ppl...fear is the root cause of anger, blame, insecurity, misunderstandings etc etc.

Keshi.

Karolee said...

I hate driving in the snow also - and my husband is so good to take time off from work when we need to travel to a ball game or something in the winter months.

Lori Madison said...

I really enjoyed reading this. Mainly because there was a lot in the post that made me think to myself.. Yeah I understand that all too well. I had an accident too, some years back and I was lucky enough not be injuried physically. But, like you, my emotions were very affected by what happened. Thank God I was able to move into the next lane and there was no oncoming traffic at the time because I was hit by a tractor trailer from behind, and I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't been able to into that lane. But for years afterwards, I would feel insides twist in knots whenever a large truck was behind me. I am so glad to hear that you are getting over your fear and most of all, that you and your family were not seriously hurt. Have a wonderful weekend.

Ann(ie) said...

You have the sweetest husband. I think my hubby would be that way, too but I'm usually ordering him to drive me down the hill b/f he gets a chance to offer. It scares me to drive in it, too!

Lala's world said...

I LOVE that God doesn't keep an account of time! totally profound Love it love it!

Shaunda said...

This post is what I needed it really touch me...THANK YOU for sharing!

Gretchen said...

Wow, I was in an accident on black ice, too, and it was so scary. I was so grateful it was just me in the car, and that the kids were home with their dad. I feel the same way you do when it snows and I have to drive in it. I have a physical response, and pray the whole entire time. I do really have to let go, let God, though.