Monday, February 09, 2009

Hope

As I sit here with Tom during his third of six treatments, I’m fully aware of how much chemo stinks (there are better words to describe it, but this a G-rated blog). I can’t believe we are going through this again. I hold firm to my faith that God will heal him because that’s the only way he will never have to do this again.

When Tom was first diagnosed with cancer, he gave me a bracelet that has the word, “Hope” on it. That one broke, but I have another one. I’ve worn it everyday since. My name means hope. I also hold on to the hope that God will bring healing to Tom.

Since we have been here, I’ve not been able to find work. I briefly worked as virtual assistant. The lady quit a couple of her jobs and didn’t need an assistant any more. I’ve not understood why I can’t find work. I know God knows we need the money, but the only blessing has been that I’ve been able to sit with Tom during treatment. The last time I had a full time job and I couldn’t always be with him. That broke my heart. We don’t really know too many people here, so it’s been a blessing to Tom for me to be with him.

My heart aches to watch him sit there with these drugs going through his veins. They make him sick and tired. I feel helpless. The only thing I can do is pray.

Tom always says to enjoy the good days, endure the bad and keep moving forward. So that is what we do. There are days he feels great and then all of sudden it hits him. Chemo stinks, but God is bigger than any cancer. Cancer begins with a little “c” and God always begins with a big “G.”

Thank you for all your prayers. It is greatly appreciated.

© Nadine Zawacki 2009

32 comments:

KarenW said...

I know chemo stinks. I watched my dad go through it. It's not easy for anyone.

Tom needs you at home now to be with him. God will provide what you need when you need it.

"...for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him" Matt 6:8

Kate said...

Praying for you both.
I've been out of work since August...I've tried and tried to find a job, but I've come to accept that right now there are other things that have to be done...I've never been so busy.
The Lord never ceases to amaze me.
Your right though...God has all authority even over the little "c's" in life.
Love you.

Steph said...

Oh, Nadine, I'm so sorry you are going thru all this. Know that God has a plan, and right now His plan is for you to be with Tom thru his treatments. Your job will come thru in His perfect timing.

I know you know all this...I'm here cheering for you! Look for any small blessing today and praise Him for it.

I pray you feel His arms around you today. Wish I could give you more than a cyber {{{{{hug}}}}.

Love,
Steph

Brenda said...

I can't imagine what you and Tom are going through, but please know that I am sincere in saying that we are praying for you both. You're so right, God starts with capital G!
God bless!

Amydeanne said...

oh nadine. i'm crying for you. God is bigger than this... even if we don't understand it. Praying for God's peace and his mercy to settle on you guys as you go through this! I'll be praying alot for you!

chelle said...

aww I am so sorry you guys have to go through this! You are where you are suppose to be in this moment, as hard as that is to understand. Sometimes He works in mysterious ways.

Susan said...

We do not understand these tests and trials we go through but we do understand the God who we serve and I know He will give you the peace that passeth understanding as you walk through these.

Tom needs you with him now, I'm sure, and that is a true blessing.
Susan

Dawn said...

I can only imagine how hard it is to watch your sweetheart go through this - for the second time. I'm glad you're there with and for him. I wish I could be there for you!

Dawn said...

"cancer starts with a little c and God with a big G"

I LOVE that point of view.

Praying for both of you.

Blessings!

Ann(ie) said...

I think Patrick Swayze said it best when he said chemo is hell on wheels.

Thinking of you, love. Praying daily.

Strider said...

Know that you are in our prayers often.

LDH said...

Dear Nadine,
Praying for both of you!!!

Dianna said...

Bless you both. We love you and are praying for healing every day.
Thank you for the book....I just got it and can't wait to read it!
Di

Bex said...

I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time. You have such a faithful heart that is an inspiration. Praying for you and Tom and your loved ones.

eph2810 said...

Oh, Nadine, I had no idea that Tom is so sick. But like you said, God is much bigger than this...I will hold you both in my prayers!!!!

(((hugs))) and love -- virtual through the internet connection.

Lala's world said...

I can't imagine, you are so inspiring to me!
praying for you and Tom

JT said...

praying for you right now... love you so much

Rich said...

God bless

Art said...

I am praying for you both!

Alene said...

Nadine, thanks for sharing the journey. You are in my prayers and especially Tom. God is bigger! Hallelujah! I wish I would have remembered you lived in Dallas now. It would have been my priviledge to meet you face to face. Until then - prayers and blessings! love ya

Christina said...

Iam praying for you and Tom. This really does stink, I don't know how else to put it. I am joining you in hoping for an awesome outcome and that this is the last time he needs to go through this.

elizabeth embracing life said...

Nadine my heart aches for your husband and what a blessing you are to him and his needs. You are holding his hand and God is holding yours. I will keep praying for peace in the process because it's not easy any way you look at it.

Scarlet said...

God DOES begin with a big "G," I agree, and He is bigger than the little "c."

I'm sorry you're both having to go through this again. I keep thinking of you and praying for Tom and that you find a job you're (somewhat) passionate about. ;)

I'm glad you are able to be there for Tom when he needs you the most. That part is a blessing.

Louise said...

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I am praying for you both!

Debz said...

Saying a prayer for both of you.
P.U.S.H
Pray. until. something. happens.

Shionge said...

Big Big Hugz there Nadine and you are so strong indeed.

I just want to know do you have a medical insurance that take care of the treatment? I know it is very costly for medical treatment after gone through one myself in NJ.

jennifer said...

Nadine, I sat here and stared at the blank comment section. I don't know what to say. I know you must be hurting and your faith during this terrible time for you and Tom is amazing.

HOPE. Beautiful.

I will pray for you tonight.

Tammy said...

Nadine, my heart aches for both of you...
Although I haven't gone through this personally, I did have a dear friend who did, and know how sick it made her, too...

Right now we "see through a glass darkly"...but God can see what we can't.
I will be praying for healing for Tom and for both of you to get through this with His peace, strength and overcoming Power!

Reva said...

Well, I know this an especially tough time for you and your husband and I wish we could make things better for you. Isn't it good to know that there are people, most or all of whom you've never met who really do care about what you are going through, just because you have shared yourself with them in blogland.
My son that seemed to get through his 4 rounds of chemo cocktails has just found out he has more in his stomach and still some in the lymph nodes in his neck. He will be going through surgery in March.
Good luck with your job hunting but as you mentioned you are probably where you most need to be right now, with your husband. Rejoice in each day with him and laugh often, you won't regret it and he will definitely benefit (laughter really is good medicine).

Damselfly said...

Gosh, I feel sooo bad because somehow I missed the news about Tom's cancer. Praying for you both.

Kim S in SC said...

Found you through "In a Garden" Blog. Praying the the God of HOPE will fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him! (Rom. 15:13) I love that verse and I love this bracelet of HOPE that your husband gave you. Praying that our God of infinite provision will provide what you need as you need it!

Marla said...

I know how much chemo stinks. Through every bout of cancer I sat with my husband. I saw to what effects it has on your body and after every return of the cancer it left him a little bit different each time. I pray for you and Tom often. I don't know you but I understand what Tom is going through and what you are going through as his wife.