During the last few days it’s been misting. Sometimes it rained but mostly it was misty. I don’t like mist. Mist is not enough to justify an open umbrella. People give you funny looks when you have your umbrella up and it’s only misting. I rather it rain so I can open my umbrella to keep dry. The real reason mist annoys me is that my hair frizzes in the mist. I start to look like Donna Summer in the 70’s (see picture above). Mist pretends it’s raining. It’s fake rain – or “rain light.”
When I was a little girl one of my favorite things to do was pretend. I would watch classic movies on TV, and then pretend I was one of the characters. I would carry out dialogue in front of the mirror mimicking different actors. I had plenty of friends growing up so I didn’t do this because I was lonely, but because it was fun.
Just like the mist my pretending was fake – or “Nadine light.” It messed me up as an adolescent. I would be what I needed to be to survive or to be on top of a situation.
Kids made fun of me when I was little. It was difficult and hurtful. I never felt accepted so I overcompensated. If I felt I was about to be bullied then I bullied first. The problem was I started to bully all the time just in case. If I went on the defensive then no one could laugh at me. If the situation called for me to be confident then I was over the top filled with confidence. The truth of the matter was that I wasn’t confident. I didn’t feel I was very pretty so I faked it.
Pretending has its place. I wouldn’t want to go see a movie or play that the actors didn’t pretend very well. On the other hand I don’t want the guy flying my plane or operating on my gall bladder to pretend.
When I became a Christian it was the first time I didn’t have to “fake” it. I was able to be real with God. I wasn’t going to fool Him anyway. It took a while, but I finally figured out who I was. God has changed my heart but not my personality. I love to have fun and enjoy life.
I have a serious side too. I love the Lord. My heart is to serve Him and His people in any capacity He chooses. I’m not perfect, but that’s okay with God. If I were perfect, then there wouldn’t be any need for Him.
© Nadine Zawacki 2009