Thursday, May 28, 2009

Pretending

During the last few days it’s been misting. Sometimes it rained but mostly it was misty. I don’t like mist. Mist is not enough to justify an open umbrella. People give you funny looks when you have your umbrella up and it’s only misting. I rather it rain so I can open my umbrella to keep dry. The real reason mist annoys me is that my hair frizzes in the mist. I start to look like Donna Summer in the 70’s (see picture above). Mist pretends it’s raining. It’s fake rain – or “rain light.”

When I was a little girl one of my favorite things to do was pretend. I would watch classic movies on TV, and then pretend I was one of the characters. I would carry out dialogue in front of the mirror mimicking different actors. I had plenty of friends growing up so I didn’t do this because I was lonely, but because it was fun.

Just like the mist my pretending was fake – or “Nadine light.” It messed me up as an adolescent. I would be what I needed to be to survive or to be on top of a situation.

Kids made fun of me when I was little. It was difficult and hurtful. I never felt accepted so I overcompensated. If I felt I was about to be bullied then I bullied first. The problem was I started to bully all the time just in case. If I went on the defensive then no one could laugh at me. If the situation called for me to be confident then I was over the top filled with confidence. The truth of the matter was that I wasn’t confident. I didn’t feel I was very pretty so I faked it.

Pretending has its place. I wouldn’t want to go see a movie or play that the actors didn’t pretend very well. On the other hand I don’t want the guy flying my plane or operating on my gall bladder to pretend.

When I became a Christian it was the first time I didn’t have to “fake” it. I was able to be real with God. I wasn’t going to fool Him anyway. It took a while, but I finally figured out who I was. God has changed my heart but not my personality. I love to have fun and enjoy life.

I have a serious side too. I love the Lord. My heart is to serve Him and His people in any capacity He chooses. I’m not perfect, but that’s okay with God. If I were perfect, then there wouldn’t be any need for Him.

© Nadine Zawacki 2009

19 comments:

Susan said...

Thanks for being real with us, Nadine!!! It's truly the only way to be.
Susan

Elle*Bee said...

What a great post! I was a huge pretender when I was a kid. I would imagine my own movie scenarios and star in them. That may well be what makes you a writer today. Sometimes we fail to acknowledge our talents - and even misuse them - before we catch on to what God intends for us. :-)

Dawn said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you need to publish a book of devotional readings. Seriously.

Jacki said...

I totally know how you feel about the mist! I usually just ignore the stares and use my umbrella!!

Jacki said...

PS - Listen to Dawn.

Tom Zawacki said...

To quote a Donna Summer song... "love to love you baby"

(grin, grin)
Tom

Debz said...

Love that one,
Been there, it was a hard transition for me, I thought for sure no one would like the real me. Turned out lots of people liked me and accepted me. I had to learn to like myself first for that to happen...Jesus showed me threw his eyes I was lovable and acceptable and that was good enough for me to stop being "mist" and let the healing rains begin.....and BTW I agree mist is the worst for naturally curly hair. Open an umbrella anyways! Dare to be different.
Have an awesome weekend Nadine.

Shionge said...

I pretended to be cool when I was a kid too :)

Now, like you we are as real as can be :D

Happy weekend Nadine :D

Bex said...

i did a lot of pretending as a kid. hmmm... i may or may not still pretend every once in a while. i mean, how else do you entertain a 4 year old and a 2 year old?

when i became a christian, one of my hang ups was that i thought i had to become someone else. i thought i had to be a boring, mousy lady and appliqued denim vests or denim dresses. once i realized i can be me, nose ring and all - it was so freeing!

Together We Save said...

You should be a writter. You have talent.

Scarlet said...

What a great post! I could NEVER picture you as a bully because your heart is so warm and compassionate, but I understand the defense mechanism and how it works.

I'm so glad you found God and are now all YOU because no one does you better than you do! :)

Scarlet said...

PS - I love Donna Summer's 70s hair! :)

Demara said...

I don't know what to say. Is this sufficient enough: "hi i'm here reading"

man is ever hot here today!

I think I'm going to go lay down.

I agree with Susan, THX for your authentic post.

btw, I envisioned my husband and how he is in some of what you wrote.

Ann(ie) said...

I think we had pretty similar childhoods truth be told. And I love not having to fake it anymore....one day it just wasn't in me anymore. Getting older is freeing. xo. Your blog is such a great read!!! xo.

Christina said...

Awesome post. I too have shared some of your experiences. I guess they contribute to who we are in the end.

I agree with Dawn...publish a book of devotional readings. I know I'd buy it.

LL said...

I just want to go on record saying that tj's REAL Nadine is pretty fantastic!

I'll take her over an imposter any day!

palmtreefanatic said...

that was beautiful Nadine! Just as you are to me!
I also found myself being that way as a kid!;)
I know what you mean about the frizzies too. You gotta have a naturally curly hair to appreciate this;)

chelle said...

I sm not a fan of the mist either :) It's a hair thing.

Dawn said...

Umm... what the "other" Dawn said!

What a great post - you hit the nail on the head.

Be blessed, friend!