During the next couple of days, Tom and I will be saying good-bye to another friend who has died of cancer. Tom will be officiating the memorial and funeral services. I’ve known Linda over thirty years. I was the maid of honor at her wedding. When we left New York over sixteen years ago, we lost touch. Since we’ve been back, we’ve seen her and knew the type of cancer she had was very advanced. She was improving and the hope was she would get better. She lost her fight and died on Monday.
When I heard that she had passed away, I thought that I would cry or feel some deep emotional sadness. I was sad to hear that she died. I was sad for her sons who won’t have their mother around with them. I had to ask myself a very tough question – why wasn’t I more grieved for me? I’m not heartless, but I felt that way.
It came down to this . . . cancer took the life of someone I knew AGAIN. Someone who was only in their fifties. If I allow myself to feel then I would have to face the possible loss in my future. There it was. Emotions I knew where in there, but didn’t want to unleash because of the dept of my sorrow.
In my heart, I hold on to the fact that God is big. I hold on to promises of full healing for Tom. I take one day at a time and love every opportunity Tom and I have to share in our lives. I adore him. He adores me. Nothing can change that. We enjoy the good days, endure the bad, but most importantly keep moving forward.
If she would have died from anything else what would I be feeling? So I put aside cancer. I remember my friend and I mourn her loss. I cry because her life was cut short. Rest in peace my friend. I know that you are with our Father in heaven. I love you.
© Nadine Zawacki 2010