Day 18

I’ve been juicing for the past 18 days. I’ve lost 23.4 lbs thus far. Has it been hard? Unbelievably hard! It’s a daily battle that some days I do well and others I would cut you for a piece of steak.

Several days ago I hit a wall. I couldn’t think of anything but food. It was on my mind every moment of the day. I thought I would go crazy. I found the more I thought about it the more I wanted it. If it weren’t for Tom (my hero) I would have crashed and burned. I needed help to make it through. Sometimes I just need to have Jesus with skin on (that’s what I call someone who loves me) to get me through a hard time.

I knew I was in trouble when I couldn’t wait for Sunday. Not because it was a day of worship but I couldn’t wait until communion so I could have a piece of bread. If that wasn’t bad enough I searched the basket for the biggest piece. I couldn’t wait for Tom to say, “You can partake of the elements.” Everything he said before that sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown (waa waa, waa waa, waa). Can I go to hell for that? Nah.  

This experience confirmed what I already knew deep down – food controls me. I eat when I’m hungry, when I’m sad, when I'm happy, and whenever I’m awake. Of course I need to eat for health and well being, but I can’t use it as a way of escape. Instead I need to lean more on God. I need to learn balance. Food isn’t bad but the grip it has on me is.

The hardest part of being addicted to food is that I need to eat to sustain life. It’s not something I can stay away from. As we would say back in Brooklyn, "I need to make it my bitch" and not the other way around. I need to learn to enjoy it without letting it destroy me or control me from the inside out.

This cleanse has taught me so much. I feel better. My knees are starting to forgive me. I walk better. I have more energy. It’s given me a chance to reflect.

I watch Tom everyday get up, exercise and plow through the tough parts of the day. I’m encouraged by his progress and his willingness to be open about his struggles. He’s so determined that it helps me to be also.

One day at a time is my motto. I can do this. I can do it because I’m not alone on this journey. I feel all the love and support from the people around me. I’m grateful beyond words for Tom. I would have given up a long time ago if it wasn’t for his love and support. It helps to do this together.

© Nadine Zawacki 2013