My Mind vs. My Heart

My mom recently passed away. She was ninety years old, had Alzheimer’s, a bad heart and diabetes. My mind knew that I could get a call at anytime that she was gone. She developed a brain bleed and the doctor told us that she would not recover. I discussed it with my family and the best thing to do was to wait here in Canada. It’s about a fifteen-hour drive and we didn’t know how long it would take. So I waited. My mind prepared.

My heart betrayed me. When I got the call, I wept. I felt overwhelmed. Since that time I had moments when I would cry out of the blue. I could be fine one minute and the next I’m hysterical. I’m not a crier. I especially don’t like to do that in public. Both my children flew in from the West Coast for the funeral. They were such a huge comfort to me. Tom has been my rock. I don’t know what I would do without them.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how much your mind is prepared for such an event the heart takes control. I’m grateful for family and friends who have expressed love in many ways. It’s been priceless to me. I know in time, it gets better, at least, that’s what my mind tells me.

I choose to remember the good times. She was a great lady. She was kind, considerate and a compassionate woman. She was a talented seamstress who made my daughter and me so many beautiful clothes. Funny thing was I didn’t ask her to make a new dress; she would simply take my measurements and make me the latest style. I loved her laugh. Thanks to my kids who taped a visit with her five years ago, I have her laughter recorded and can watch our interaction with her when I miss her. She loved to feed people (I guess that’s where I get it from) and always made you feel at home.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a loving mom. I know she’s with you now and one day we’ll be together again. I love my Mom and will hold her dearly in both my mind and my heart.

© Nadine Zawacki 2016