Soothes my Soul

These past few years have been filled with many challenges especially for Tom. He went through neck, low back, shoulder and now hip replacement surgeries. He also has gone through cancer treatments for the 4^thtime. That is just the tip of the iceberg. For over 47 years, I loved this man. He suffers and I feel it. Even with all his ailments, he loves and worries about me. He wants me to do things that give me life. He wants me to feel safe. He always says, “Cancer shouldn’t be your whole world.” (I work for a cancer center as well). This is what motivates him.

We have been blessed this past year. We bought a home and a car. Tom wanted me to have a new laptop and a puppy. So happy to welcome Lady, fun loving 9 lbs., 3-year-old Shih Tzu to the family.

I have visible scars on my body; my index finger on my right hand (almost got cut off by a fan when I was 7), C-section (so worth the beautiful children I have), and both knees were totally replaced. These wounds have healed. 

There are scars on the inside. Those scars I can hide most of the time. I don’t cry in front of anyone, unless I’m on stage for a part. I ignore those wounds and they now have scars. What I didn’t expect was some of the scars got cut again. That hurts more than when it was first formed. 

I found that I needed to soothe my soul and worship music has been able to do that more than anything else. The scars are being healed. Some songs are so encouraging and others spoke to my state of mind. When life gets overwhelming, reaching out to something outside of myself helps me to make the challenges bearable. 

When day when I was driving, a song came on and it touched me in the feels. I don’t like the feels or crying as I said before, but “You Say” by Lauren Daigle did exactly what I hate – it touched me in the feels. Let me share the lyrics:

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough

Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?

Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

 

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don’t belong, oh, You say I am Yours

And I believe, oh I believe

What You say of me – I believe

 

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me

In You, I find my worth, in You, I find my identity

 

Chorus again

 

Taking all I have, and now I’m laying it at Your feet

You have every failure, God, You have every victory

 

This song speaks to me. I’m grateful for the songs that soothes my soul and helps me feel closer to God. Even though things have been challenging, blessings have made its way to my heart. My old scars feel healed. Thank you, Lord for the things you are working through me and helping me to overcome. Thank you for giving me strength to face the difficult times. Thank you, Lord, for the many blessings in life and for the joy You bring me. 

© Nadine Zawacki, 2025