The Truth of the Matter

I couldn’t believe all the great questions you all had. I will do my best to answer them. Some of them had similar themes and so I’ll answer them together.

Karolee asked, “What do you like most about being a pastor’s wife and what do you dislike most about the role?” “What denomination (if any) is the church your husband is the pastor of?” We are non-denominational. You can learn more about our church by clicking here.

Diane asked, “Will you answer more than one question, please?” She also said, “I would love to hear more about your role as a pastor’s wife.” Yes, I will answer more than one question and I’ll try to answer to the best of my ability about being a pastor’s wife.

I found early on that people had definite ideas of what it meant for me to be a pastor’s wife. They thought I should head children’s or women’s ministry. I knew my husband was called to be a pastor. The gifts of God were obvious and evident by their fruit. I wasn’t sure if I was created to be a pastor’s wife. What were modeled for me were superwomen, able to sing and play piano in a single bound. I thought in the beginning of my husband’s ministry if I didn’t fit into this mold, then I was a failure. I was tormented by what I saw as my shortcomings. I thought I wasn’t “spiritual” enough. At times, I listened to the enemy’s voice tell me that God was going to kill me and replace me with a “real” pastor’s wife.

The truth that set me free was the Lord spoke to my heart one day. He let me realize I was created to be the wife of my husband and mother to his children. No one else was created to fit this role for him. That’s what a pastor’s wife is all about…being the wife of the pastor. I realized that I didn’t fit in a box and that was okay. I am unique and the Lord created me to be me.

I can’t begin to tell you how freeing that was for me. I already knew how to be a good wife. My role has been from the beginning, especially when my children were little to love Tom with all my heart and take care of our kids. I wanted to make his home a place where it was safe and comfortable to be. I wanted to take care of the little things that could have distracted him from God’s calling. It wasn’t until we came here to Washington that Tom became a full time pastor. He use to work a full time job and pastor our church plant in West Virginia.

What I like most about being a pastor’s wife is . . . being Tom’s wife. I love being married to him and standing by his side. I love when we get to minister together. What I dislike most is . . . that I have to share Tom. He teases me all the time and tells me I don’t like to share. I tell him I share great until I don’t want to anymore. There are times I need to just be alone with him and sometimes that gets interrupted. This is all part of it and I totally understand that. Our people are great. They know this about me and love me anyway. I love them. We are blessed to have a church full of wonderful people, who love God and love us. I’m proud to serve them in anyway that God asks me to.

When Tom was diagnosed with cancer two years ago was when I realized how wonderful God’s people can really be. They not only gave us financially to help with the massive medical bills, but also of themselves. When Tom was going through chemotherapy they took turns cooking meals for us for nearly 20 weeks. One of the men in church came and picked him up and stayed with him during these treatments, because I only had so many sick days. It broke my heart not to be with him during those times. It helped knowing he wasn’t alone. It was the hardest thing we went through in our married life together, but we weren’t alone and I was grateful.

Now that my children are grown my role and calling has changed. I do other things; I dance, I write, I teach and I still love and support my husband. This is not to say the box is bad, just maybe my box is bigger and decorated differently.

God has been gracious to me. I’ve had the opportunity to share this truth of just being the wife of the pastor with other young women who wondered how they are going to measure up to the task. It sets me free to be just me.

This year I’ve taught more than I have ever. I’ve loved it. It shocked me to come to this realization. I look forward to going with Tom to Vancouver, BC to teach a class and minister to the interns at Streams Canada. I love that I get to do this with him. God has been very gracious to me as my role as a pastor’s wife. Tom is a good man who loves me and I love him. The people in our church are good people who love us and I love them. I serve a good God and I love Him.

Stay tuned for more questions answered.

© Nadine Z. 2007