Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Shiny Broken Pieces

Today I have a guest blogger, my hubby Tom. I wanted to reprint this blog post he wrote. It spoke to my heart and I hope it speaks to yours.

Awoke at 3:00 AM, can't seem to sleep. Watched the season premier of House tonight. The main character is a brilliant but very broken physician. This episode opens up with our extremely gifted yet horribly flawed hero in a state mental institution... as a patent. The next two hours portrayed his journey to emotional honesty. The writers and actors did their jobs very well.

It made me think.

I'm broken too. I cover up my my brokenness effectively but that doesn't mean I'm whole, I'm not. I'm still broken. I've learned how to ignore my pain and how to coexist with my pain and even how to function at very high levels in spite of my pain. But none of these things, not one, has healed or removed my pain.

I could go on like this, broken yet functional, for a very long time and most would never know. Our culture is ill-equipped to deal with flawed leaders, the church even less then society. I have learned how to see the good in every circumstance and situation. When life has given me lemons I've used them to make very tasty sermon illustrations. I'm more entertaining but I'm still broken. Others are refreshed, heck, some are even inspired - but me, if I'm truly honest I have to admit, my pain still remains.

"Com' on Tom, count your blessings..." I do have many, much more than I deserve.

"Look at the lives you have touched..." Wow, more than I could ever have imagined, I'm humbled, eternally grateful - the lemonade has gone a long way, a very long way.

But about that pain...

Papa, two bouts of cancer have broken me in ways I can't begin to express. The physical toll, as expensive as it has been, is easily eclipsed by the emotional and spiritual. Please take all my fractured pieces. Some have been hidden away for a very long time. Others I have have kept well polished and as presentable as possible. I have no idea how to repair them, some don't seem to fit together any longer. I'm pretty sure that many just need to be replaced.

Papa, I offer you my heart, please be gentle, it's been through a lot and it's been broken for a very long time, thanks. Well, it's almost 4:30, I'm going back to bed and see if I can get a little more sleep, goodnight.

© Tom Zawacki 2009


Demara said...

It's 2:30am I hope to start a new job tomorrow...I've been sick...I hope I have enough energy and stamina to do this work! It's going to make our rent for the new place we move into on the pressure!! I hope to have fun with it...and consider it a exercise since I will be cleaning a middle school and high school...and to this I say, Papa please give me the strength to get this job done, this season! Amen

I loved this episode of House!! It made me want to work with the broken hearted or with the sick...not sure I could handle it emotionally though. I would also like to work with fill that void. Maybe a preschool. That would be fun!

Anyhow look at me ramble...I better go to bed now...THX for the honest post!

I pray you felt Papa this night taking away some of your pain...

Susan said...

I saw Tom's post yesterday on his blog and was so moved by it. May God hold you both tight in His loving arms. HE is the restorer.

Dawn said...

Wow, beautiful, Tom. What honesty and transparency. Thank you.

Shionge said...

Dearest Tom,

Through adversity one gets stronger and despite a bumpy journey I see the strength in you. I feel the position synergy between you and Nadine and both of you are a great source of motivation & inspiration to me.

I wishes you well and blessing to your relationship with Nadine. You are definitely not going to be broken for very long and I just knew it.

Best of everything Tom, warmest regards from Singapore :D

(aka Shionge)

Shionge said...

Oh, I wanna wish Happy Birthday to you Nadine on 25 Sept 2009. Wishing you best of happiness always :D

jennifer said...

This post brought tears. I am praying for you this evening to sleep through the night, though what came out of your sleep deprived night was beautiful in its honesty.

Cancer robs. It does, but God can restore.

Love in Christ to the both of you!

Scarlet said...

It's your honesty and the down-to-earth quality about you that makes your sermons effective, not that I've heard one, but if this post is any indication...

I love your prayer at the end. You've come a long way, my friend, and you are an inspiration (you AND your beautiful wife!). Thanks for being here!!