Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Waiting to Exhale
Most of the time we focus on life and living it. We forge ahead and enjoy each other. I try not to let cancer rob me of any time or any happiness with Tom. It's always there in the background - like a ticking time bomb. Whenever I read a story of a celebrity that just died from the same form of cancer Tom has I wonder - why them? How is the spouse coping? How are the kids?
Cancer sucks. It's that simple. It kills and destroys. It robs good people of time and people they love. I know people who have lost spouses, children, parents, siblings, family and friends to cancer.
The only thing you can do is not let cancer suck life out of you. You enjoy the good days, endure the bad but keep moving forward. It's time like these - waiting to see if your loved one is still in remission that's hard.
You sit in the doctor's office. You look at him and try to read his face. You hold your breath and brace yourself for bad news while hoping with all your heart that the news is good. Your heart rises to your throat and you wait. You wait to exhale.
I'm praying for good news tomorrow. I love Tom with my whole heart. I need him. I want to grow old with him. I'm tired of holding it in - my thoughts, my fears. So I share here today a small portion of what goes on in my head.
God is good. God does love me. Everything else begins at number 3. So I'm waiting for good news tomorrow. I'm waiting to exhale.
© Nadine Zawacki 2011