Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Waiting to Exhale

It's that time of year again - Tom's PET Scan. I hate this test. I hate cancer. I hate that we or anyone else has to deal with it. Tom had the test on last Friday and tomorrow we find out the results.

Most of the time we focus on life and living it. We forge ahead and enjoy each other. I try not to let cancer rob me of any time or any happiness with Tom. It's always there in the background - like a ticking time bomb. Whenever I read a story of a celebrity that just died from the same form of cancer Tom has I wonder - why them? How is the spouse coping? How are the kids?

Cancer sucks. It's that simple. It kills and destroys. It robs good people of time and people they love. I know people who have lost spouses, children, parents, siblings, family and friends to cancer.

The only thing you can do is not let cancer suck life out of you. You enjoy the good days, endure the bad but keep moving forward. It's time like these - waiting to see if your loved one is still in remission that's hard.

You sit in the doctor's office. You look at him and try to read his face. You hold your breath and brace yourself for bad news while hoping with all your heart that the news is good. Your heart rises to your throat and you wait. You wait to exhale.

I'm praying for good news tomorrow. I love Tom with my whole heart. I need him. I want to grow old with him. I'm tired of holding it in - my thoughts, my fears. So I share here today a small portion of what goes on in my head.

God is good. God does love me. Everything else begins at number 3.  So I'm waiting for good news tomorrow. I'm waiting to exhale.

© Nadine Zawacki 2011

12 comments:

Tom Zawacki said...

I'm so sorry we have to bare this horrible burden but I'm so relieved to have you by my side. I love you so...
TOm

Kate said...

Praying for a good report.

none said...

Believing for the report of the Lord and trusting that He will perfect that which concerns you. Praying God holds you close and quiets you with His love while you're waiting.
He knows, He understands, He cares, and He will carry you through to the other side of this storm. <3 Donna

Dawn said...

Anxious to hear!

Dawn said...

Praying for you both! The REALLY good news? God already knows... and He'll be there no matter what you find out tomorrow!!!

Be blessed, friend!

Grace said...

(((HUGS))) to you both.

Madison Richards said...

I'm so sorry and love you both tremendously. Grace and peace to you both.

Ginnie said...

Cancer sucks. couldn't say it any better. I am hoping and praying with you for the good report. deep breath...exhale..let go of the tension and breathe deeply again. God is with you and worry steals from you. but I totally understand it. Love, Ginnie

Susan said...

My heart & prayers go out to you two, Nadine. I HATE CANCER it stole my precious daughter from me. I hate scans & chemo & radiation and all that goes with it. Praying for a GOOD REPORT!!!!!

Christina said...

Praying for Tom today. You are so right, cancer sucks, it killed a few relatives of mine including my mom. Can't wait for them to get rid of this dreaded disease.

Dawn said...

Saw your wonderful news on FB and am praising God with you for such a good report! (FB is acting strange and wouldn't let me post a comment to your update.)

I think the two of you should give each other another hug... compliments of me! LOL

Shionge said...

Sending some love and blessings your way Nadine :D