Tuesday, August 28, 2018

No Esta Aqui

I work at a medical clinic with over ninety employees. It’s been a change being a part of a big organization. I work the front desk with five other lovely ladies. A couple of them speak Spanish, so when we get a phone call from Spanish-speaking patients, one of the ladies takes the call.

One day, I asked one of the ladies if she was available to take a Spanish-speaking call. Her response to me was, “No esta aqui.” (Loosely translated, not here.)” I replied, “You esta aqui,” which made her laugh. I butcher the Spanish language on a daily basis. I love hearing the ladies speak Spanish. It sounds like music

My journey the last several years has been a difficult one. Living in Canada was challenging. It wasn’t just the winter with eighteen feet of snow, but the people were cold. We never pastored a church before that had such hard, stubborn people that were at times disrespectful and unkind towards my husband. Granted there were some very wonderful people we met on the island of PEI. On a whole it was a bad experience for me.

I love living back in the U.S. I don’t ever want to live anywhere else again. Since we moved back to the states, I’ve kept God at bay. I’ve had no interest in going to church. To be honest, I’m still at that place. Lately, God’s been drawing me closer even though my response is, “No esta aqui.”

I don’t want to push Him away, but I just can’t help myself. No matter how much I’ve pushed, He hasn’t gone anywhere. “He’s esta aqui.” Now my Spanish is not accurate but the sentiment is accurate. God is here. He hasn’t gone anywhere. He was in Canada and now He’s here in Washington.

I’ve been a pastor’s wife for over 30 years. It’s taken its toll, but I won’t let the haters win. I love God and I love His people, but some of them are harder than others to love. That’s just my feelings at this time. I’ve loved before and I will love again. I’ve forgiven those who hurt us, but the memory of the hurt will take a littler longer.


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© Nadine Zawacki 08/28/18