Passages, Graduation and New Life

We all go through experiences in life that mold and shape us. These things leave their mark on us – good and bad. Life consistently changes its rhythms. This week alone demonstrates various aspects of life.

A dear friend suffered the lost of her dad. My prayers are with her and her family during this difficult time. When someone you care about loses a loved one you can’t help but remember a time when you experienced the same thing. I lost my dad to cancer eighteen years ago. I watched as my mom and sister struggled to let him go. I think he hung on longer just to give them a little extra time. My dad became a Christian and I knew I would see him again someday. He had been so sick and lost his leg to an infection. It was a difficult time. Passages are a part of life, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

On Saturday five different teens from our church are graduating high school. I remember my children’s graduation as well as my own. It was a time of transition from childhood to young adulthood. You have your whole life ahead of you. It’s a time for many to leave home and begin life on their own for the first time. It’s scary for some and exciting for others. It a special time for parents as they let go and watch their child spread their wings.

In our church a young couple is awaiting the birth of their fourth child. She’ll probably have her baby by Saturday. The birth of child is a special event in every young couple’s life. After waiting for this child for nine months you finally get to look upon his face, hold his hand with your finger, hold him in your arms, count toes and dream of what he will become. No matter how much you prepare for his arrival you just can’t prepare for how such a small person can steal your heart and take your breath away.

Life comes full circle this week - a birth of a child, a graduation into adulthood and a passing of a father. But life is big and these are just moments in time on our journey.

Lord I pray you comfort those who mourn. Bring peace to their hearts and minds. Lord guide the young adults who are embarking on their new adventures. Bless new life and let it arrive smoothly.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Dream Job

One of the blogs I read wrote this post entitled, “Where Do You Work?” It was very enjoyable for me to read about how she loves her job. I loved how her passion for what she did came shinning through. At the end she asked, “Where do you work?” and “Is it your dream job?” Hmm. What an interesting question I thought.

I work as a medical receptionist in a very busy doctor’s office. At times it’s a demanding and a stressful place to work. I work hard and do a good a job. My boss hates when I’m not there because he feels the office doesn’t run as well. I would love to less indispensable. I’m tired and usually feel like my brain is sucked out of my head by the end of day.

What is my dream job? I want to write. I want to create stories that not only tell a good story but are real. I want to be able to be free to do other things I feel the Lord calling me to do. It doesn't matter if I get paid to do it or not.

That being said, the lessons I’ve learned at this job were priceless. I’ve grown as a person as God has used my job as a source to mold, shape and deepen my character. I’ve learned to rely on Him and turn to Him for comfort.

I’ve tried to find work elsewhere, but nothing seems to open up to me. This tells me God’s timing is not right. So in the meantime as I wait for God’s opportunity, I try to do the best job I can. I believe this honors God. I pray and ask God to bless those I work with. I pray that He prospers the practice. Am I perfect at this? No, just ask Tom. There are days it gets to me, but I get back on that horse the next day and start anew.

There is something inside of me that rejoices when I see others that I care about have the opportunity to live their dreams. When I read Debbie’s blog, I couldn’t help but smile. I believe everyone should live their dreams. People aren’t born living their dreams. They usually have to pay their dues, so it’s great when their dreams come true. Isn’t God good that He allows us to look to the future with hope? Isn’t He good to allow us to live out our dreams? Thank You Father.

If you’re doing your dream job, please share by leaving a comment. I want to rejoice with you. If you’re not, then I want to join you in the hope that one day you will be.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Enter In

I have to start this post by telling a funny little story about myself that has nothing to do with anything. I don’t know if any of you ladies can or would relate to this, but… Tom and I were on our way to church when I noticed that my nail polish had chipped on my toenails. We were only a block away. I told him we have to go back so that I can get my nail polish to fix the chip. He gave me that man look (you know the one that makes you feel you are from another planet). I gave him in return that woman look (you know the one that says I’m serious as a heart attack). With a smile on his face he turned the car around and we went back to house. At least I gave him a good laugh this morning.

Our church is hosting a conference with Ray Hughes. It’s been excellent. He’s from Kentucky and knows more redneck jokes than Jeff Foxworthy. He has a great love of God and of worship. He’s been writing music and playing for the Lord for 36 years.

One of the things he spoke about was some discoveries scientists have made regarding our DNA. They found if DNA was decoded and played through a keyboard it had an actual melody. Every individual has a unique song, because we all have distinctive DNA. He went on to explain an experiment done on a healthy mouse’s DNA when played through the keyboard had a very lively melody. Here’s where it gets interesting. When they played the DNA of a mouse that had cancer it had sections that matched Chopin’s “Funeral March.” Did you know that when Chopin wrote that song he was dying of what they called ‘consumption’ back then, but we call cancer today.

Music and worship is such an important aspect of our lives. Ever see a rock concert? Notice how people go crazy jumping and dancing? They are consumed by the music and lyrics. They scream and yell praises for the rock stars before them.

Let’s consider worship. I don’t lead worship or play a musical instrument well enough to participate on a worship team. I can’t sing. I dance in my own unique style and I love to worship my Lord. I was made to worship Him. It’s my responsibility to come prepared to enter in. It doesn’t matter what song is being sung. It doesn’t matter if the worship leader missed a note or broke a string or picked songs I don’t particularly like. What matters is that I come to worship my Lord in freedom and in truth. It’s important I give Him the praises He deserves. Imagine how a worship service would be if every person in the room came prepared to enter into worship regardless of the distractions of our day. How blessed would God be.

© Nadine Z. 2007

You

Through the mire of my soul I search for You
My heart longs for intimacy with You
My eyes look towards heaven for You
My spirit soars after You

You meet me where I am
You change me gently
You love me through my difficulties
You see the goodness in me

What can I do for You?
What can I say to bless You?
Where can I go on Your behalf?
How can I serve You better?

You desire relationship with me
You yearn for time alone
You pursue me with Your love
You pull me deeper into You

Thank You for never giving up
Thank You for holding me close
Thank You for drying my tears
Thank You for placing hope in my heart

© Nadine Z. 2006

Artwork by Tiley Frost

Glass Illusion

I thought this was interesting and wanted to share it with you all.



© Nadine Z. 2007

A Little Excitement

Tonight a little excitement came into my life. I was at a meeting with my husband, doing the pastor wife thing, minding my own business. I was sitting down listening to the speaker when all of sudden I felt electric pulses in my chest followed by a tightening feeling. It was a bit difficult to breathe. Hum, that’s strange. The feeling went away. A couple of minutes later it happened three to four more times.

Sitting next to me is my handsome hubby who nothing gets by. He looks at me and asks, “So what’s going on?” I humbly say, “Nothing. I’m okay.” He didn’t seem to buy it. So we leave and he has me call our friend who had worked as a cardiac nurse for many years and describe my symptoms. Hubby is smart because he knows I won’t go to the ER just for the fun of it. I tell her my symptoms. After she spoke to me and then to dear hubby, we go to the ER to get me checked out.

He called the elders to have them pray. At this point I am starting to feel a bit better, but still have trouble breathing. Fatigued is setting in. I start to feel the prayers as the nurse started to hook me up for the EKG. Nurse Olivia was very kind. She gave me some bad tasting, lime green goo that numbed my esophagus in case it was acid reflux. I had a picture taken of my chest (chest X-Ray) and blood tests. Everything came back normal. As much as the lime green cocktail was gross tasting and numbed my insides, it made me feel better. One of the elders lived only a few minutes away and even though we told them it wasn’t necessary, they couldn’t help but stop by.

I appreciated the great love and concern that I felt. Everything was okay, but it was wa good idea with my symptoms to make sure it wasn’t something more than my acid reflux misbehaving in an extreme manner. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Thank you Lord for helping me tonight.

Emergency room bill – thousands of dollars.
Peace of mind – priceless.

© Nadine Z. 2007

First Year

It’s been a year since I started blogging. Technically it was Wednesday, May 16th but if you read my last post you would understand why I was preoccupied. I’ve learned so much in the last year about myself and about people in general.

When I first started writing I wasn’t sure I would have anything interesting to talk about. I was encouraged by my husband to try. At the time I was complaining that I was a blog widow. I thought maybe he was trying to distract me, but I do believe the tables have turned. I was a real novice and was grateful for all the help he gave me in the beginning. I thought it amusing when I found myself helping others in their blog efforts.

I’ve met many new blog friends from around this country and the world. Many of them have such unique ways of sharing their lives. Some are very funny, some are serious, some have theme blogs, and some share their faith. It has been encouraging to see how much people are the same. We all go through trials, struggles, joys and love the best that we can. There are so many people willing to share honestly about themselves in a way that I believe help others.

I love to read other people’s comments but not only on my blog. I found that there are many people out there with the gift of encouragement. They bless others with their words, especially when they are going through a hard time. They share in other people’s joys and bless them when good things happen.

I love how many people from our church started to blog in the past year. It is so interesting to see how much their personalities transform so well into the written word. I can sometimes hear them speak when reading their posts.

Personally it’s been a growth experience in many ways. I’ve learned so much about myself. I’ve grown in my writing. I’ve made new friends from around the world. I’ve loved expressing myself in this creative format.

I thank all of you who read my posts – those of you that I know and those I’ve never met personally. I thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I thank you for sharing yourselves with me.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Glass Half Full

I’ve heard it said that there are two types of people –

1. One who looks at the above picture and says it’s half full.
2. The other who looks at the above picture and says it’s half empty.

The last twenty four hours have been quite eventful. It started yesterday morning when my daughter borrowed my car to go on a trip. It meant my husband had to drive me to work and pick me up. I have to tell you that was the up side. I love being with him.

During the day, he called to inform me that he bought me a new wireless card for my computer. My hero! I’ve been using my laptop and that’s been fine but using my desktop computer is easier.

We were getting dinner when our daughter called and informed us that my car was acting funny and that the ABS light was on. What you do in this situation is you tell her to be careful and continue on her way and don’t make any stops. She called later after we had eaten to tell us the car died. She managed to pull the car off to the side of the road. She was about an hour away from home. Without hesitation my hubby tells her that he’s on his way. I decided to go for the ride. I asked, “Aren’t you going to take some tools or a rope?” Hubby was in dad mode and he only had one thought – get his daughter home safely. We get there and he decides the best plan of action was to tow the car. Someone had to steer my car while it was attached by the rope. Funny thing when you’re being towed and the car pulling you is going downhill – you speed up. Scary. It was even better when we got off the highway and onto the streets. Making a turn was not as interesting as going downhill but it came a close second.

When we did get home there was some damage to my car from the tow experience and at this point my car is dead. It’s probably the alternator, but it still needs to be fixed. Our daughter called us her heroes. She said she couldn’t have steered the car and was glad I came along. She said we both rescued her.

Today we got a call from our son who’s living in California. He was in a car accident. The result is pictured below. Hopefully it will get fixed by the other person’s insurance. I’m praying it all works out for the good.
At this point I’m thankful that my son and daughter are safe and not hurt. I wish the two cars were operational. I would love to say that in the last twenty four hours I looked at the glass half full. It did take some chocolate ice cream and snuggling with my honey last night for the glass to be full.

I have to thank the Lord for giving me peace of mind. I like to focus on what God is doing rather than what He’s not doing. My glass stays mostly half full, but it’s not easy looking at it that way. Tonight I thank God that my children are safe. I thank Him that only cars are broken and not bones. I thank Him that the cars will get fixed and I trust Him to help us. I’m grateful for God’s goodness and His love for our family. I’m grateful that He keeps my glass full of grace, mercy, peace and love. He is all of our heroes and we're all thankful for his protection.

So how’s your glass looking lately? May God give you the grace you need to fill it up.

© Nadine Z. 2007

What’s Your Brand?

When I went to the Writer’s Conference I learned so much. The workshops were great. I especially found interesting the one on “Creating a Writing Brand” by Chip MacGregor. He was funny and informative at the same time – a great combination.

What’s a brand? In advertising this is a popular concept. When you need a tissue you usually think Kleenex. When you think about a Barbie doll you know exactly what type of doll you are getting. A brand is what a person thinks about when they hear your name. In writing when you have a brand you offer a promise to your readers – this is what my voice is going to be. A brand reveals who you are, what you write about and why you’re unique. Does this mean you can’t expand your brand – no.

What do you think of when you hear the following: Ted Dekker, Stephen King, Ernest Hemingway, Frank Peretti or Jane Austen? That’s their brand. You know what type of book you’re getting when you read their stories.

This got me to thinking about what’s my brand? Do I have one yet? If you go by my blog articles alone, what do you think of when you hear my name? I’ve only written one book and I’m working on a second one. Is that enough to develop a brand yet? All good questions and I welcome any thoughts.

Let me take this a step further - what does God think of when He hears my name? Does He think good and faithful servant. Will I be able to say that I’ve done everything He sent me to do? Will He be pleased with the amount of time I sat in His presence? Will I be known for someone who worshiped God with her whole heart? Will he think of me as a friend? I hope that when my time comes my Maker is pleased with who I am.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Weeds – Part II

Last week I wrote a post about weeds in my garden. Today was a beautiful morning and I decided to work on getting rid of my weeds. When I started the pulling and spraying, I noticed that this was becoming an unending task (or so it seemed).

Imagine me bending, pulling and spraying when suddenly a car pulls up. The lady in the car starts talking to me. She has two kids in the back of the car. I’m tired, my back hurts and I’m hot. She starts speaking to me like we’ve known each other for years. Here's what transpired:

Lady: “I saw you with your butt sticking up in the air.”
Me: I turned around. Who is this woman? “Yes, I’m just doing some weeding.”
Lady: “You know if you get a handle on the weeds all you have to do is spray once a week to keep it up.”
Me: Why didn’t I think of that? “That’s my plan.” I smiled.
Lady: “I was driving around looking for some garage sales.”
Me: Trying to be polite, I say, “I don’t think there are any around here today.” So lady why are you speaking to me?
Lady: “Well good luck.”
Me: “Thank you.”

So I take a break and have some coffee with my husband. I relay this unusual tale. He asked if I was sure I didn’t know her. I assured him that I didn’t. He then asked, “Do you think she was angel?” You see I always said he was the nice one in the relationship and that statement proves it. He thought that maybe God sent an angel to remind of weeds in life. I thought the lady was a nut job. He was so sweet, but I still mocked him for his statement, hence solidifying that he is the nice one in the relationship.

I went outside and continued pruning a bush that was out of control and hiding other plants around it. Two large bags of garbage later I preceded to the backyard. My backyard has no grass but has weeds that have delusions of being grass because they cover the whole yard. I bought one of those weed killers that you attach to a water hose to spray. I started on one end and made my way to the other side of the yard. I realized that I was knee deep in weeds in some areas. I was feeling frustrated with myself for letting it get so bad.

I was spraying at the other end when I saw a rainbow in the water stream. It was only in one certain spot. I stood in one spot, turned around with the hose and the rainbow made a circle about me. The rainbow was only in that certain spot. I stood in the yard and cried. I realized how much God loved me. No matter how many weeds surrounded me when I went to the other side (of the yard) a rainbow awaited me. God usually uses rainbows as a sign for covenant and His promise. It was His promise to me that everything was going to be okay. I thanked Him for this little sign that bought me hope.

To all of your moms out day I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. May God shine a rainbow around you to bring you hope and joy for the future.

© Nadine Z. 2007

I’ve Been Tagged – Part II

Cherrye tagged me for this four things meme.

Four jobs I've had
1. Receptionist for my dad
2. Secretary at Price Waterhouse
3. Monogram shop
4. Medical receptionist/assistant

Four movies I can watch over and over
1. Anything Cary Grant – especially Arsenic & Old Lace, His Girl Friday
2. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
3. West Side Story
4. Braveheart

Four places I have lived
1. Haiti
2. New York City
3. West Virginia
4. Washington

Four television shows I love to watch
1. Heroes
2. Lost
3. I Love Lucy - classic
4. Everyone Loves Raymond

Four places I have been on vacation
1. Pocono, Pennsylvania
2. Alaska
3. Miami, Florida
4. Montreal, Canada

Four of my favorite dishes
1. Anything made with avocados
2. New York pizza, bagels, Nathan’s hot dog with sauerkraut (I miss these from back East)
3. Lobster, crab, shrimp – I love anything seafood
4. Chocolate – cake, ice cream, candy – okay so it’s not a “dish” but it’s chocolate

Four websites I visit daily
1. Blogs of course
2. Fox news
3. MSN - hotmail
4. Google

Four places I would rather be right now
1. On a big boat cruising the Mediterranean with Tom of course
2. In Paris, drinking a latte, eating a croissant and writing on my laptop about the all the people walking by (with Tom sitting in the chair next to me)
3. In a villa in Tuscany (see picture above) drinking a nice glass of wine (toasting life with Tom)
4. Cooking a nice meal for friends (with my favorite kitchen mate Tom)

So if you want to play along, post the answers to these questions on your blog and let me know so I can check it out.

© Nadine Z. 2007

I’ve Been Tagged

I’ve been blogging for almost a year and this is the first time I have been tagged – not once, not twice but three times since Thursday. Two of them are basically the same things - list seven and ten random things about me. I can’t come up with seventeen but I will list ten. I will do the other tag in the next couple of days.

Before getting to the tag, I’ve been nominated for the Thinking Blog award again and to tell you the truth I’m more honored than I can say. There are so many people in our church that blog and my heart could not choose someone over another. With that in mind, if you want to participate in this tag you are free to post ten things about yourself and then let me know so I can check it out.

1. I was born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. I lived there for only two years before coming to New York. I am French, Arabic and German. My wonderful husband is Polish and Italian which make my kids the U.N.

2. I have to be careful around people with heavy accents. I have a thing about picking up accents and I find myself imitating them. I’m not trying to be mean, it just happens. After watching Steele Magnolia, I came out of the movie theater speaking with a southern accent for over an hour before I could stop.

3. I had a pet squirrel monkey (see above picture) named Charlie, when I was kid. He got out of the house one day and went up in a tree. I drew a crowd trying to get him to down.

4. I hate to wear shoes. Once I’m home the shoes come off.

5. I have a weird pet peeve about Christmas decorations. They have to go up the day after Thanksgiving and come down the day after New Years. The Christmas lights being on in February just makes me crazy.

6. I can’t go to bed at night unless the bed is made first.

7. When I was seven, I was on the television show Bozo the Clown. I got picked to do a stunt and won a coin collector’s kit. Does anyone out there remember Bozo the Clown?

8. I played Desdemona in Othello for a Shakespeare contest. I didn’t win but I was fantastic - at least my sister said so.

9. I failed my first driver’s test as a teenager and didn’t try again until I had my daughter at 22.

10. I’ve saved the best for last. I started dating my husband when I was 16 and we will be married 26 years next month. The interesting part is that after 29 years of being together, I love him more today than ever. He’s my best friend.

© Nadine Z. 2007

California Here He Comes

Today my son, Tom, left for Los Angeles. I knew when he came home several months ago that this day was coming. I’m very proud of him. He’s is moving down to LA, without a job or a place to live. He’s off on his adventure seeking after his passion (film making). At his age, he should. His dad always told him to dream big dreams…God size dreams, not man size dreams. His friend, Chris is going with him and he is a nice young man. I’m pleased that he is sharing this with a friend.

All week I knew this day was coming. I was excited for him. I’m still excited for him. What I didn’t expect this morning was the tears. My heart was torn between happiness for him and sadness for me. I will miss him. When he went off to school in Seattle, it was just a car ride away. Now he’ll be a plane ride away. I understand how my family felt when we moved from NY to West Virginia and then to Washington.

Goodbyes are bittersweet sometimes, especially when your heart feels so much at once. I love my son, but I’m so thrilled he gets an opportunity to go for his dreams. How cool is that.

If you would like to read my husband’s take, click here.

Change of subject:

The writer’s conference was very informative and I had a good time. Thank you for all your prayers and encouraging words. I learned about agents, publishers, contracts, etc. It’s necessary to sign with an agent because publishers are not accepting any unsolicited manuscripts, so an agent is the person who gets your work noticed. I also learned about self publishing (expensive but well done nowadays).

My three minutes went very quickly. The agent had some positive suggestions that I will incorporate into my proposal. I also found out that I don’t quite fit in the CBA (Christian Booksellers Association) because some of the content of my book is “too worldly.” I also don’t quite fit in the ABA (American Booksellers Association) because my book is “too Christian.” I don’t fit inside a box and that’s good thing. I will continue to pursue my dreams, like my son, I have to give it a shot.

Remember God is good and He has good things for our future.

© Nadine Z. 2007

P.S. I haven't forgotten about being tagged - three people tagged me since Thursday. I will post about that later this week.

Expectations

Tomorrow is the Writer’s Conference I’ve been preparing for. My friend and I will be leaving early in the morning for Seattle. She’s been very helpful with showing me how to get a book proposal together, reviewing it, and helping me make it look professional. Thanks L for all your help.

The dictionary defines expectation as anticipation of something happening, a confident belief or strong hope that a particular event will happen and somebody’s likely prospects of success in the future.

I realized today that I don’t have any expectations regarding this conference. I just want to have fun and enjoy the workshops. Part of the fun is that I’ve signed up to meet with an agent in a group setting. I’ll have three whole minutes to pitch my novel to him. He’ll either say thank you or I’ll like to see more. Again, no expectations about what will happen. If he likes me than that’s great, but if not that’s just fine because the experience will be worth it. This is not a my way of preparing myself for failure, but rather my way of letting God be God and leaving it all in His hands. The only expectation I have is to have fun.

Did I always feel this way…no. I’ve been nervous about it, but I’m blessed to have people in my life that encouraged me to be just me. That’s great advice. Once I’ve let go of expectations the pressure was off and I was able to walk in freedom. Freedom to just enjoy the experience.

I’ve learned so much in this whole process. I’ve learned that I’m a storyteller who just enjoys telling a story. I’ve written a book, whether it’s ever published it doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that I love how proud my husband is of me for having just written the book in the first place. I’ve learned that I’m surrounded by much love and support. I’ve learned that this world is big enough for different types of authors. I’ve learned that I’m a writer.

© Nadine Z. 2007