Dancing Queen

After having my second complete knee replacement surgery a month ago, I find myself discouraged. The second operation eight weeks after the first one was rougher than expected. I had trouble with pain control and just when I was getting better, I’ve had trouble this past week with stomach issues. Food has not been my friend. Thank God I have extra reserves to get by. J Tired of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to watch, “Mama Mia, Here We Go Again.”

A little background. I grew up in the seventies and I loved the singing group, “ABBA.” I loved to dance and they had great dancing music. My favorite song, “Dancing Queen.” I would dance and dance all around the house.

It’s rare for a sequel to exceed the original, but this one did for me. I found myself getting caught up in the story and the music. Such fun. When they sang my favorite song, I cranked it up and danced in my bed. Believe me, it was a sight to be seen.

I realized that even though my knees hurt still and I have good and bad days, it doesn’t change the fact that they are better than before surgery. There is hope that as time passes, my knees will get better. My Physical Therapist and doctor both stated that I’m doing well and on track.

But here’s the thing, my mind is slow to believe and slow to accept. I looked at my two very scarred legs and that’s all I can see. At times, it feels like the pain overrides the blessings to come.  

This movie showed me something. As the music filled the air, it filled my heart. God reminded me that I’m still a “Dancing Queen.” He created me to dance and to laugh and be filled with hope. My name, Nadine, means hope. When my hope gets attack, who I am is dented, but God made me hopeful. That’s what I am. I’m hopeful that my knees will continue to get better. I will be a “Dancing Queen,” again.

Thank you, Lord for using ABBA music to fill my heart and soul with hope and encouragement.

© Nadine Zawacki, 2019

Second Opinion

A second opinion is a good thing. Having a clearer picture of what is happening in a situation is helpful. A fresh set of eyes that are caring and loving can deliver peace of mind like nothing else.

When living in West Virginia we became good friends with a man who was doctor. We connected on many levels because he was a Christian and from New York. His specialty was nephrology but he became our family doctor. He had a caring bedside manner and prophetic giftings that aided him with diagnosing your ailments.

With all the different medical issues Tom had gone through lately we were getting frustrated that no one was looking at the big picture as a whole. He had trouble with his legs and the family doctor sent him to a cardiologist who wanted tests. The family doctor was looking for the cause but didn’t nothing for the symptoms. It’s taken over a month to get all the tests done and we still don’t have definitive answers. He also saw the oncologist who only wanted to treat the symptoms but not necessarily try to find out “why” this was happening.

Tom searched and found Dr. D, our friend. He was living in PA. He had us change our appointment to the last one of the day so that we can visit with him afterwards. We took all his records and he sat with us; looked over every test, did additional tests that were not done, called an oncologist friend to review that aspect of his health and gave us a clear, concise picture. He said what was being done was on track. He cleared his kidneys from any issues that may have arisen from chemotherapy. Right now, Tom is doing well. His legs still hurt but it will take time for it to heal. He will have maintenance treatments done in October and every 6 months for the next two years. His lymphoma is being monitored with these treatments and PET scans. I keep praying for total healing.

The four hour drive was well worth it. How many doctors you know spend over an hour and half with you in their office and then take you out to dinner. It was wonderful to see him and his children. We will continue to keep him informed of all that happens here so he can continue to keep an eye on Tom’s health.

A second opinion gave us peace of mind.

© Nadine Zawacki 2009

Good News

I want to thank everyone for praying for Tom during this bout with cancer. It wasn’t easy to move right after he had his last chemo treatment, but God worked it all out for us.

One of the first things we had to do when we got to New York was connect with an oncologist so that Tom could have his follow up PET Scan to see how effective the chemo was. We heard from the doctor’s office today and the scan came back good. No cancer was evident and he is now in remission again.

He will have a check up in July with the doctor to discuss follow-up treatments. There is a big relief in my heart today and I celebrate the fact that it is gone.

With cancer, I live in the now – it’s gone now and life will get back to normal. The unfortunate part of it all is that this type of cancer has a very high recurrence rate. As far as the medical profession is concerned it’s not “if” it will come back, but “when.” That’s the medical profession.

The medical profession doesn’t always factor in God. The hope I have in God is that Tom will not have to go down this road again. I can’t and I won’t let the medical profession rob me of the joy of a good report with the underlying warnings of recurrence.

Thank you to all of you, who have prayed during this difficult time – it has helped us more than you know. I thank God for His part in all of this. I thank Him and hold on to the hope that Tom will not have to face this again. With God all things are possible. With Him we are made whole and we are healed. For this I am grateful.

© Nadine Zawacki 2009

Hope Inside

I love my children for many reasons. I’m a proud mom and will brag about their accomplishments at a drop of hat. I know I’m not alone in this. Moms love their kids. When they are little every step, word, wonderful works of art, etc. expands our chest. When they are older every good grade, sport accomplishment, musical or dance recital, etc. doesn’t go without support and encouragement.

As adults there is a mutual respect that develops. You love when they ask your opinion on something or when they call for no reason whatsoever. Giving your opinion is not so much a matter of “You have to do this because I’m your parent, older and know better.” It’s more along the lines of “I love you and if you want to know my opinion, I’ll share it with you.” Guess what; they usually want that advice.

I got an email from my daughter. Her brother sent a link to a new movie trailer and while she was watching it, an image made her think of me (the Hope image above). She captured it and sent it to me.

The word hope means a lot to me for many reasons. For one it’s the meaning of my name. When Tom first got diagnosed with cancer he gave me a bracelet with the word hope on it. It was a reminder to keep hope alive. There are times my hope starts to fade, then I just look at my bracelet and remember -

Jeremiah 2:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

© Nadine Zawacki 2009

Hope

As I sit here with Tom during his third of six treatments, I’m fully aware of how much chemo stinks (there are better words to describe it, but this a G-rated blog). I can’t believe we are going through this again. I hold firm to my faith that God will heal him because that’s the only way he will never have to do this again.

When Tom was first diagnosed with cancer, he gave me a bracelet that has the word, “Hope” on it. That one broke, but I have another one. I’ve worn it everyday since. My name means hope. I also hold on to the hope that God will bring healing to Tom.

Since we have been here, I’ve not been able to find work. I briefly worked as virtual assistant. The lady quit a couple of her jobs and didn’t need an assistant any more. I’ve not understood why I can’t find work. I know God knows we need the money, but the only blessing has been that I’ve been able to sit with Tom during treatment. The last time I had a full time job and I couldn’t always be with him. That broke my heart. We don’t really know too many people here, so it’s been a blessing to Tom for me to be with him.

My heart aches to watch him sit there with these drugs going through his veins. They make him sick and tired. I feel helpless. The only thing I can do is pray.

Tom always says to enjoy the good days, endure the bad and keep moving forward. So that is what we do. There are days he feels great and then all of sudden it hits him. Chemo stinks, but God is bigger than any cancer. Cancer begins with a little “c” and God always begins with a big “G.”

Thank you for all your prayers. It is greatly appreciated.

© Nadine Zawacki 2009

Crushed, But Not Destroyed

The last few days have been very difficult for Tom and I. He had his annual PET Scan last Friday. We went to the doctor’s for results today. It was bad news. The lymphoma returned near the last occurrence in his stomach area. There was only one lesion spotted, which is better than having multiple ones. He has to go through chemo again.

I make no secret of my love for Tom. I adore him for so many reasons. Chemo is difficult. The emotional and especially the physical strain can wear you out. The last time, Tom would often say, “Let’s enjoy the good days, endure the bad and regardless press forward.” You see what a wise man I’m married to. I know that many of you will pray and so I thank you ahead of time for those prayers.

I was reminded earlier in the day by the Lord of this scripture from 2 Corinthians 4:7-10:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

© Nadine Zawacki 2008

Hope

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break. - Thomas Fuller

I came across this quote and it spoke to me. Most people who struggle with depression, suffer because they feel hopeless about something in their lives. I had written a post called, Functionally Depressed. It talks about the depression that people hide from friends and family.

Proverbs 13:12 – “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

The subject of hopelessness has been on my heart recently. Maybe you know someone who is depressed and needs a friend – a bit of encouragement. Maybe it’s you. I urge you to reach out to someone in your life – a friend, loved one, pastor, etc. – if you are struggling with hopelessness. Sometimes we can hide our sadness so well that no one sees our pain. God sees your pain. God feels your pain. Let Him reach out to you and place hope back where there is none.

I’m reminded of the story of the young actress in Hollywood who was depressed about her career and jumped from the Hollywood sign. The very next day she received a letter offering her a staring role.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. New hope comes with a new day. Life can change in an instant. Don’t give up and don’t quit.

Learn from yesterday; live for today; hope for tomorrow

© Nadine Z. 2008

Do Not Worry

I want to share something that happened on Easter. I got a new dress and was looking for my gold necklace and tennis bracelet. I thought it would go perfectly with it. I don’t have a lot of jewelry, but what I have is very sentimental to me. I usually keep it hidden in a safe place. I had placed it in a new hiding place. Why? We were going to be gone for a week and just in case…well you understand right? It was such a good hiding place that I couldn’t remember where it was. I didn’t want to upset anyone, so I didn’t make a big deal of it. We had a good day and a wonderful meal together as a family.

Throughout the day, I kept thinking about the jewelry. After Tom went to sleep, I decided to look a bit more carefully. The more I looked, the more upset I became. I was really upset about not remembering. As some of you know my mom has Alzheimer’s. Memory deficit of any kind is very bothersome to me. I started to weep. Tom woke up, held me, and prayed for me. I was able to calm down enough to sleep.

I woke up the next day, still upset. I stood in the middle of my bedroom and asked God to help me remember. I went directly to where I hid it and there it was. I was so relieved that not only did I find it, but I remembered where it was.

Afterwards I sat down to pray. The scripture I turned to was Matthew 6:25 -

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?”

I was so worried, but God had it in control. It may seem trivial to be so upset about misplacing jewelry, but truth be told, I was more upset about the forgetting part. God didn’t let me stew. I would have found it eventually. My piece of mind was at stake. I’m grateful that I have such a loving God, that I seek, asked and then found what I was looking for.

Thank you Father for showing me constantly how much the little things matter to You.

© Nadine Z. 2008

Chocolat

Recently I watched the movie, Chocolat (2000). It’s about a single mom who opens up a chocolate shop in very small town in France around 1960. She has a special gift for guessing people’s favorite chocolate. What I liked about this movie was that she used chocolate to instill hope and change in people’s lives. A married couple regained the romance and passion they had in their youth. A battered wife learns to make chocolate but learns more than just a trade. She learns self respect. A lonely older man finds courage to approach the old widow he has secretly had feelings about. Even the old landlord rediscovers her grandson and friendship.

Watching the story unfold, you see transformation take place in the lives of the individual town people. When the controlling town mayor tries to turn the hearts of the people against the chocolate maker, you see hope fade. Hope is a powerful thing.

Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

It was a pleasant movie to watch; it made me smile and at times made me laugh out loud.

Have a pleasant, loved filled Valentine’s Day.

© Nadine Z. 2008

2008 – A Year of New Beginnings

Happy New Year to all of you! Today begins 2008. In the classes we teach in our church on dream interpretation one of the things we have learned is that numbers having meaning. The number eight means “new beginning.”

I have to side track for a moment. In all of my married life with Tom, I’ve cooked him fabulous meals (his words not mine). I’ve cooked lots of eggs. In my attempts to make omelets I always felt like a failure. They tasted great but they looked awful. I couldn’t make a good looking omelet to save my life. I didn’t give up. I watched cooking shows and studied how the chefs made a perfect looking omelet. I wasn’t looking for perfection for myself, but looking for something that at least looked like an omelet. You would think after 26 years a person would just give up. Not me. I would tell my family, “At least it tastes good, right?”

This morning I attempted yet again to make an omelet. I beat my eggs. I put lots of butter in the pan. I seasoned the eggs, added parmesan and mozzarella cheeses. I flipped and plated. I looked at this plate and I was amazed. It looked like an omelet. Tom looked at me and said, “That’s the best looking omelet you have ever made!” It also tasted good. Victory was mine. In all the excitement I forgot to take a picture of it.

I was reminded by God that this is 2008 – a year of new beginnings. What exactly is a new beginning? It’s starting over – a clean slate. It was like all the other omelets I ever made never existed. Isn’t God good! In this simple act of making an omelet it solidified the fact that this is a new day…a new beginning…a fresh start.

I don’t know about you, but I could use one of those. I thank God for this coming year. I have no idea what lies ahead, but I place my hope in Him who loves me. I know that whatever it is, it will be new and I pray exciting.

Hebrews 11:1 (New Living Translation) states:

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Happy New Year

© Nadine Z. 2008

The Hallway

I had a two hour ride to my daughter’s apartment on her birthday. I decided to make good use of my time. The only two days I worked last week were bad. That’s all I’m saying about it because I don’t want dwell there. I thought it would be good to listen to some worship music. I put in one of favorite CD’s, “Under Your Shadow” by Josh Young. The song, “I Lay It Down” came on and the words spoke to my heart and I just wept. Here are the words:

I lay it down, all that’s in my heart
I lay it down, I place it at Your feet
For You alone have everything I need
I lay it down

I want more of You
I need more of You

I lay it down, my need to understand
For I believe that You have a perfect plan
Yes, I believe that You alone are God
I lay it down

I want more of You
I need more of You

So I come to You with arms open wide
Give my heart to You, only You can satisfy
Let Your fire burn
Through the depths of my soul
Take me deeper Lord, I want to lose control

As the song played it ministered to my heart. I realized that I was standing in a hallway. A hallway is not bad place, but it’s a transition place. Behind me is a door that is closed and in front of me was a new door that was not opened yet.

Before God could open that door, I needed to lay down my wants and desires and seek after His. He has my best interest at heart. He knows what is best for me. I don’t need to understand why I’m in the place I’m in. All I need to know is that He loves me and has the perfect plan for me. This requires trust. I can trust Him to provide.

If I open my hands and let go of what is in there, then God can come along and fill it with something new. I need to let go of my agenda and grab a hold of His. The hallway is not a pleasant place to be, but how long I last there is up to me. Do I choose to fight what God is doing or do I choose to relent. I choose to relent and let Him be God. One thing I’m certain of is whenever that new door opens, I’m ready to leap forward into it.

© Nadine Z. 2007

The Old Mug

This morning I made coffee to bring to work. I was enjoying my coffee in my travel mug (pictured above) while talking with Tom.

He looked at me and asked, “Do you know how old that cup is?”

“No.” I replied not really interested in the age of my cup.

“I used that cup back in New York." (This makes it over 15 years old.) "Don’t you think it’s time you get a new travel mug?”

“Why? I like this one.” I said a little defensive of my mug.

“They have really nice ones that come in all sizes and it would look so much better than that one.”

“Really? What are you trying to say? It works fine and it’s the right size for my morning coffee.” I continued my defense. “Are you saying that I should toss it aside simply because it’s old? Should I replace it with something new because somehow the newer thing would be better?”

My poor husband looked at me and laughed. He knew I was talking about more than just the mug. He joined me by saying, “Besides it’s red, white and blue and still keeps coffee hot.” We did continue a bit on this track.

It got me thinking. Some of my favorite things are old. I love old movies, old books and old shoes. Maybe that’s because I’m old. When did being old become a bad thing? There is nothing more fascinating to me then having a conversation with a much older person and hearing stories about their lives.

My mom is 82 years old and now has Alzheimer’s. I’m grateful for the times I prodded her for stories about when she and my dad meet. If I didn’t listen to those stories when she wanted to tell me, it would have been too late.

In my church experience, I’ve listened to people who are older than me tell stories of the past. Interesting stories about how they saw God move. I’ve watched as God still used them to minister to those around them. The bible is filled with stories of God using men and women when they were much older. Nothing can beat experience. This gives me hope for my future. It means that the Lord will continue to use me as long as I’m willing to serve Him.

An old mug is in the eye of the beholder.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Going to Jail – Part II

Back in April I wrote a post about going to jail to minister to some intimates. Click here to read. At that time we made arrangements to teach one our extended courses called the 101 – The Art of Hearing God. Instead we taught 104 -Reaching Your Destiny in God. We thought the lessons would be more valuable to them. The manuals were donated by the author.

These men are in a special program. They have to apply for it and usually have three months or less on their sentence. They have special privileges, they learn about God and work on dealing on their issues that landed them in jail.

This course we taught deals with issues of strongholds in our lives and how to be free from them. It covers submission verses obedience – how God calls us to be submissive to Him and the authorities He places in our lives. Forgiveness is explained. How important it is to extend forgiveness as well ask for it. It was a powerful for these men.

We have spent Friday night (6:30 pm – 10:00 pm), Saturday (8:00 pm – 9:00 pm) with breaks for lunch and dinner and Sunday after church (from 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm). We learned that weekends are the only time they get to watch movies and it’s a treat for them. Something they look forward to. This course was not mandatory. They could have chosen to stay in their cell and watched movies at any point. Instead they came and listened, asked questions and allowed us to minister to them.

God was good and gave us some powerful words of encouragement. It touched them and some had tears in their eyes. They thanked us for coming, but we were the ones who were blessed. We were honored that God used us in any fashion to minister love and hope of the Father to these men.

We watched how they encouraged one another. They asked questions because they wanted to understand. The chaplain who arranged for this class told us when she went to get the men after a break, one of them was resting in his bunk almost asleep. One of the other guys woke him up and said, “Come on it’s time to go.” She reminded him that the class was not mandatory. His response was for them it was. He valued what he was learning and wanted his bunkmate to value it also. One inmate shared that since he gave his life to Christ six months ago in jail he feels more free now then when he was on the outside. He said he will never land in prison again. Isn't God good. Freedom in Him is powerful.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Dream Job

One of the blogs I read wrote this post entitled, “Where Do You Work?” It was very enjoyable for me to read about how she loves her job. I loved how her passion for what she did came shinning through. At the end she asked, “Where do you work?” and “Is it your dream job?” Hmm. What an interesting question I thought.

I work as a medical receptionist in a very busy doctor’s office. At times it’s a demanding and a stressful place to work. I work hard and do a good a job. My boss hates when I’m not there because he feels the office doesn’t run as well. I would love to less indispensable. I’m tired and usually feel like my brain is sucked out of my head by the end of day.

What is my dream job? I want to write. I want to create stories that not only tell a good story but are real. I want to be able to be free to do other things I feel the Lord calling me to do. It doesn't matter if I get paid to do it or not.

That being said, the lessons I’ve learned at this job were priceless. I’ve grown as a person as God has used my job as a source to mold, shape and deepen my character. I’ve learned to rely on Him and turn to Him for comfort.

I’ve tried to find work elsewhere, but nothing seems to open up to me. This tells me God’s timing is not right. So in the meantime as I wait for God’s opportunity, I try to do the best job I can. I believe this honors God. I pray and ask God to bless those I work with. I pray that He prospers the practice. Am I perfect at this? No, just ask Tom. There are days it gets to me, but I get back on that horse the next day and start anew.

There is something inside of me that rejoices when I see others that I care about have the opportunity to live their dreams. When I read Debbie’s blog, I couldn’t help but smile. I believe everyone should live their dreams. People aren’t born living their dreams. They usually have to pay their dues, so it’s great when their dreams come true. Isn’t God good that He allows us to look to the future with hope? Isn’t He good to allow us to live out our dreams? Thank You Father.

If you’re doing your dream job, please share by leaving a comment. I want to rejoice with you. If you’re not, then I want to join you in the hope that one day you will be.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Glass Half Full

I’ve heard it said that there are two types of people –

1. One who looks at the above picture and says it’s half full.
2. The other who looks at the above picture and says it’s half empty.

The last twenty four hours have been quite eventful. It started yesterday morning when my daughter borrowed my car to go on a trip. It meant my husband had to drive me to work and pick me up. I have to tell you that was the up side. I love being with him.

During the day, he called to inform me that he bought me a new wireless card for my computer. My hero! I’ve been using my laptop and that’s been fine but using my desktop computer is easier.

We were getting dinner when our daughter called and informed us that my car was acting funny and that the ABS light was on. What you do in this situation is you tell her to be careful and continue on her way and don’t make any stops. She called later after we had eaten to tell us the car died. She managed to pull the car off to the side of the road. She was about an hour away from home. Without hesitation my hubby tells her that he’s on his way. I decided to go for the ride. I asked, “Aren’t you going to take some tools or a rope?” Hubby was in dad mode and he only had one thought – get his daughter home safely. We get there and he decides the best plan of action was to tow the car. Someone had to steer my car while it was attached by the rope. Funny thing when you’re being towed and the car pulling you is going downhill – you speed up. Scary. It was even better when we got off the highway and onto the streets. Making a turn was not as interesting as going downhill but it came a close second.

When we did get home there was some damage to my car from the tow experience and at this point my car is dead. It’s probably the alternator, but it still needs to be fixed. Our daughter called us her heroes. She said she couldn’t have steered the car and was glad I came along. She said we both rescued her.

Today we got a call from our son who’s living in California. He was in a car accident. The result is pictured below. Hopefully it will get fixed by the other person’s insurance. I’m praying it all works out for the good.
At this point I’m thankful that my son and daughter are safe and not hurt. I wish the two cars were operational. I would love to say that in the last twenty four hours I looked at the glass half full. It did take some chocolate ice cream and snuggling with my honey last night for the glass to be full.

I have to thank the Lord for giving me peace of mind. I like to focus on what God is doing rather than what He’s not doing. My glass stays mostly half full, but it’s not easy looking at it that way. Tonight I thank God that my children are safe. I thank Him that only cars are broken and not bones. I thank Him that the cars will get fixed and I trust Him to help us. I’m grateful for God’s goodness and His love for our family. I’m grateful that He keeps my glass full of grace, mercy, peace and love. He is all of our heroes and we're all thankful for his protection.

So how’s your glass looking lately? May God give you the grace you need to fill it up.

© Nadine Z. 2007

An Encouraging Word

In my last post I shared about an outreach we did at the jail. Our church has been doing outreaches for the last several years. We have a booth at the local fair and local boat races that we set up with signs that read, “Free Dream Interpretation” and “Free Life Readings.” It doesn’t look like a “church” booth and because of it we have gotten to minister to thousands of people through the years. Once a month we open our church up for outreach from 9:00 pm until 2:00 am on a Saturday night. We call it “The Den.” A local band plays, we offer lattes, coffee, and tea, as well as dream interpretation and life readings. This is perfect because our church doesn’t look like a church and we are surrounded by bars and clubs.

We have learned a biblical base method of interpreting dreams and a “life reading” is simply an encouraging prophetic word. A prophetic minister I know once said that he was able to see people’s sins and in the beginning of his ministry would point those things out. He was convicted by the Lord to tell the people something they don’t know. People already know the bad things about themselves and they often have trouble seeing the good. I’ve found that seeing what God sees in them blows them away.

One couple Tom and I gave a word to at the fair told us they were at the booth the year before and the people then told them the same thing we just did. I would say that had a positive impact on their lives because they remembered what was said a year earlier. God is so good.

Anyone can give an encouraging word and many of you who read this blog already do. You have no idea how some of your comments bless me. I’ve been battling with whether or not I should continue writing. I wasn’t sure that anyone would want to read my book or be interested in publishing it. I kept thinking about what I call the American Idol Syndrome (the people who can’t sing but their family and friends tell them how terrific they are and are shocked that the judges didn’t pick them). I didn’t want to be one of those people. Today, I was reading one of the blogs I visit and I recognized she was talking about me. She called me a “real” writer. Well I was truly blessed when I read her words. At that moment I heard God say to me not to give up. So thank you E for your encouraging words.

I try to listen to the Lord in order to say words of encouragement to people around me. I only say what is in my heart to say. I am a person who doesn’t use words of flattery. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. So to all of you who are reading this, let me encourage you to look at those people God has placed in your lives and give them an encouraging word today. Ask the Lord to show you something positive, encouraging about the person and then share it. It can even be the check out lady at the grocery store or the paperboy. You may never know the depth your words will have on someone, but the Father does.

Have a Happy Easter.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Going to Jail

Tuesday night I went to the local prison with my husband and another member of our church. Tom and I used to minister at Riker’s Island (the women division) back in New York. It was different ministering to people who were in what you would imagine to be dire circumstances. Some of them were there simply as a way to get out of their cells and others wanted to hear about God.

Tom bought his guitar to sing and the plan was to just do some dream interpretations and give some life readings (prophetic words). Our church has been trained to interpret dreams from Streams Ministries. It’s a biblical model of dream interpretation.

The men we ministered to have had other church groups come and this is always a treat for them. In June we are going to the prison to teach, Course 101, The Art of Hearing God. Imagine teaching inmates lessons in character, lawlessness and submission to authority, as well as learning to hear God speak. I believe it will make a difference for them.

When the men entered the room (we met in the prison library) they were a bit guarded, but polite. After Tom introduced everyone he started to play and I closed my eyes and could sense the atmosphere in the room being a bit harsh. As we worshipped, I could feel things soften and the mood of the room change. Worship has a way of doing that.

Tom spoke briefly and shared what having cancer has taught us. One of the things he told them was that we enjoy the good days, endure the bad days but keep moving forward. To keep moving forward through it all was the key. He did a great job conveying hope.

He asked if any of them had any dreams. As each dream was interpreted and some prophetic words given you can feel the excitement grow in the room. The men seemed very encouraged. I felt like we imparted some hope to them. You know it’s a good sign when they asked us questions about our church and where it was. I believe we will see some of these guys on a Sunday.

The evening ended with one of the men asking if Tom could sing one more song and if they could pray for Tom’s healing. Imagine that. They wanted to pray for him…how cool. Tom sang one more song and we prayed. It was a good night. So Lord, I pray you protect the seeds of hope that was placed in these men. May they find strength in You.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Holding My Breath

As many of you know my husband has cancer. Its Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and it’s the type that won’t get fully healed by medical science, which leaves God room to work a true miracle. Tom had a PET Scan last week. During his last check up with the oncologist the doctor found a lump on his neck. He said he didn’t think it was anything, but wanted to make sure with the PET Scan.

Working in a doctor’s office I can obtain test results without any difficulty. I purposely didn’t last week because I was teaching on Friday and Saturday for the first time in over two years and if it was bad news…well let just say I didn’t want to know. But yesterday was another story and when I got the test results I was so relieved. It said that there was no evidence of recurrent lymphoma. This is really good news. The doctor confirmed that today.

I lay hands on him when I wake up in the morning and prayer for his healing. Often I pray and I hope that the Lord is listening. Today I was able to see answer to prayer come to fruition. We have a busy calendar filled with wonderful opportunities for Tom and chemo treatments at this time would have been so difficult for him.

I know that one day after one of these PET Scans the doctor is going to tell us, “I can’t believe it! It’s a miracle, the cancer is totally gone!” Amen! But until that glorious day arrives, I celebrate the news that it hasn’t spread. I’m holding my breath no more, but just living life as it comes…one day at a time.

Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness and for answering my prayers. Thank You Lord for a good report. Amen.

© Nadine Z. 2007

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed – what does that mean to you? The dictionary states it is to overpower somebody emotionally – to affect somebody’s emotions in a complete or irresistible way.

Life is so busy but not just for me. Everyone seems to have so much going on. There is always something to do or somewhere to go. Sometimes there is a crisis you have to deal with…health issues…work issues…family issues, etc. So how do you handle it when life is feeling overwhelmed? Well you could cry, but that doesn’t solve anything. The end result is red blood shot eyes. You could eat an entire cheesecake (remember Golden Girls), but that will either make you sick or you’ll gain a hundred pounds. You could scream but that might cause your neighbors to call the police.

Yesterday morning I reached for my wedding ring on my dresser. This action caused my diamond earring that was also on my dresser to fall on the carpet. My carpet is light tan. I couldn’t see it so I started to feel for it. I even reached under the dresser to no avail. The earring holds a sentimental place in my heart because Tom gave them to me. Normally something like this wouldn’t be a big deal. I would just keep looking until I found it. Enter “overwhelmed.” I decided to just lay there on the ground face down and prayed – “Lord, please just let me find my earring.” A simple request but within seconds as I placed my hand under the dresser again I found the earring. So in one moment I felt overwhelmed and then in the next the Lord answered my simple prayer. I was reminded what 2 Cor. 12:9 state:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

So thank you Lord for your grace. Thank you for encouraging me in the little things. Thank you that in my weakness you are strong.

© Nadine Z. 2007

A New Bag

Yesterday the handle to my bag broke. It was annoying to me because it happened late at night. We had a conference at our church and I was busy all weekend. I wasn't sure when I would get the opportunity to buy another one. I usually get the same style or color bag every time. As much as I vary in my tastes in so many areas of interests, I usually get a black or brown bag. It must have a separate compartment for my cell phone and at least two major compartments for other stuff.

Today after church Tom and I had to make a quick stop at Wal-Mart. While there I asked him if he wouldn’t mind me looking at the bags. He was kind enough to humor me. So I made a bee line for the same exact style and color bag I have now. My dear hubby comes over to me and says, “I believe God has a new bag for you.” At this point I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I just didn’t have a brain to think or to try to hear God. At our church we teach classes that have to do with the Art of Hearing God and dream interpretation. One of the exercises we do is to let God speak to us through an object. He saw the frustration I was feeling. He went on to say, “I think it’s red and God will speak to you through it.”

I’m thinking to myself okay I’ll give this a shot. So we look around and I find a red bag and it’s something I never would have bought for myself. (See picture above.) It’s pretty but I’m not that bold in the bag department.

I took my new bag home and as I started to transfer the stuff from my old bag into the new bag. It started to speak to me. I took some time to pray and when I look at my new bag this is what God spoke to me –

It’s a one zipper bag instead of two because my role will be more defined. There is a snake skin pattern on it. A snake sheds its skin and there is a new one underneath – God’s shedding my old nature and a new one is waiting underneath. It’s like new wine skin for the new wine He has for me. The red represents passion for Him and for life that I once had. It also stands for His blood that was shed for me to have that new life and have it abundantly. The bag is bigger than what I usually get because the new thing is bigger than what I’m use to. I felt He told me that passion, freedom and hope is mine – that is His promise to me. That I will have renewed passion in my love for Him, my love for Tom, my love for my children and my love for His people. I will have freedom to express myself in the call He has placed on my life – freedom to worship Him, to love Him, to be creative and be one with Tom. I will have hope that these are not mere words on a page but a promise.

So thank you Lord for your encouragement to me today. I will look upon my bag daily and be reminded of your love and promise for me.

© Nadine Z. 2007